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I’ve concluded that I’m confused.
Close this wound, that I etched,
Scraped into my minds skin.
My nails feel they’re committing a sin.
Maybe I gotta shape the edges to curve to the shape, to fit within the box.
So we can close the lid.
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I cannot be found looking at the painting too deeply.
As there’s a place where people like me go when the things they think are not believed – and I’m not going back, and it’d be my ticket there.
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When the audience doesn’t clap for my sad, sad tune. That I sing in monotone – blew through the microphone, like a wind so untouchable.
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Shut within her locket, memories, that corrupt her sense of stability to the ground. Fireworks corrupt her mind with the intention to seep her through the limits of her illogicality. Corrupting my mind with verbal words and melody, seems to always go this way. Corrupted by not being able to verbalise my feelings, because it’s always me who’s illogical and no one else.
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I’m troubled, always disconnected. Maybe a little preoccupied with my obsessions. Trying to keep in my compulsions, the ones that always end up coming back to you. I have a Rhodonite bracelet, that keeps me feeling connected to you.
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You made me a beautiful painting, and then signed another’s name to it. The girl in the painting, her eyes are filled with salty water. She swims, and lives in dreams. You’re waiting for her rain in the sleepy desert you call purgatory. Meanwhile she’s drowning in her own purgatory.
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It’s always twisting and winding and unclear. I like interpreting, but it leaves a lot to the imagination – maybe things untrue within my head, and because it’s someone else’s name that’s etched on the stone – it brings tears to my eye that bleed, and stain the carpet. Because the carpet is where I’m stuck to the ground inside a stolen look within someone’s eye. And I know my poems probably suck, and I know I probably suck. But I can’t help but feel suffocated, but in some sense I like it, and in another sense I want to getaway – because I’m drowning not floating.
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Feet burning on the slate,
Stepping out of this state,
Won’t be as easy as fate,
pulling me out with bate,
Stealing all the hate,
That temper greeds to create.
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I opened the door and expected someone to be there. Even though I knew no one would be there.
The sun blinds, but I don’t need to be shaded. Time flies but it seems like a lifetime waiting for tomorrow.
Things changed for me when I realised, maybe we had the same dream last night.
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They say talk to me directly, and don’t forget me. They want to be included, not thought to be deluded. I know they’re afraid, and feel tied down. Chasing their freedom, while feeling fearsome – Together we’ll steal the sunshine, and not feed the dark side within our coping cave.
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I’m offended, by what you say with a needle through my brain
I say, it’s okay I’m not insane. I understand how it displays that way
Though, Scratching through my soul nothing ends the panic & distress
Stress will bury me. Lying in a shallow grave, as they pile the dirt over me. There’s no way out.
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So long searching
For scolding, shreds of simple stations
On the television, still contemplating sayings, scripts of crippling cravings
Stepped in a puddle, seen my reflection
Did not recognise which direction
To sink slowly, shrinking through contemplation.
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Fight or flight, I gotta get away
Unsure if I have anything to say
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I dunno if I can understand what goes on in my mind – and maybe I don’t have to, but I still try. I’m trying to understand what goes beyond me, but it ends up all muddled up, because everything’s in fragments. I can’t tell if memory feels real – true, or false. But Maybe it’s just because I’m due for my depot.
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Watching the words mix in the songs, still slow to react to the flow. I always take the same stance on the trance – things run around my head, causing head aching, suffocating confusion. So I picked myself up off the floor, and let it go, and tried to ignore. But I don’t know what comes next, I dunno. It won’t stop screwing around with my head.
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One push will knock me over.
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Foggy memory slips in from the distance. Send my whole soul back to the last life, and I can start over, and right all my wrongs. I shaped a circle on the wall, trace it over, and over, create a black hole – go through, sends me back to the past life.
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I’m afraid if I’ve been mislead, because I can’t handle when people deny the truth. I confess my wrong doings, a compulsion simmering on testing fumes. Because I’ve always had a strong conviction to right and wrong.
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How am I supposed to be
…If I can’t even see.
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We’ve got great minds, but I always struggle to separate my skin from my emotions.
I spoke to a stranger, which made me feel stranger.
I’m always gazing at the past, pointing out every constellation. Hoping to come to a conclusion.
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I wish I could be content within myself, anxiety always overshadows. Compulsion, static sympathy. I finished that show last night, it made me cry. Some things are so meaningless, but I think about them over and over till they have meaning.
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Her heart roams the earth, bound by existence. Stripped down to a matchstick flame, frozen like a photograph – So always a memory.
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It all Changed for me, when I promised myself I’d never forget. I’m awake when everyone else sleeps. Everything goes through my mind, anger, distress, peace, quiet and always longing for more. Can you give yourself to someone, when your heart belongs to another.
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It’s just classic, these feelings that corrode my sense of existence. Not present, just going through the motions of emotions that attack my inner soul. Solutions seem far away, but I know if I look that they will be near.But I don’t have the motivation to look, I’ll procrastinate till the end, and sometimes I hope it isn’t far away. -
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Screenshot 
Screenshot 
Screenshot -
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I created a world where my dreams flew wild, they blew in the deep blue sky…and it seemed I seen it all…but it was only your silhouette, with the parts that my dreams filled in.
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Schizoreflective 