Suspended and connected
Confused till defused
So dangerous it’s outrageous
I’m so genuinely, delicately amused
Tag: blog
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Rumours rest on my shoulders, weighing me down
Careful planning plots a patient, painful revenge
Now Regretful actions tilt beside my aching past life
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Listening to the flooded sound, measuring my state of mind on a scale. -
Days began to swing one into another when the seroquel put me to sleep for most days and nights, but now the seroquel can’t even stop me from staying up all night sometimes. Still the days blur.
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I want there to be no anger between, no hate in our words.
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I found the words you use to disguise. The room is filled with noises. People talking, don’t make sense. I see images on the walls, they can be beautiful. The music on the speaker is played loud, I bet yours is too. Everything cuts deep, and I have no energy to put into it. But I guess I’ll try.
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I’m slaying my singing in the shower. Energising my voice with such power. Gotta yell, gotta scream and later I’ll feel better.
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Everybody heard the noise from the headphones because I listen to my music too loud. Everybody glanced at the paper as I wrote a letter to myself, but they couldn’t understand anything that it said. Riddled in riddles, septic in meaning, and all the words were lost through time until I found it in the future.
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Coming through the black spot from the dot at the end of the sentence. A whirlwind, catastrophic situation that’s signalling the end.
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The weather in my mind is lighting and rain.
Time traveling through all the pain.
Overthinking until I’m insane.
Nothing works right inside my brain.
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As long as our hearts are pure, I’m sure we’ll definitely find a cure to heal our souls. But, the inevitable is always going to come. Playing music while I lie awake unable to sleep because I feel it deep. I keep reminiscing on past memories and how I could have done it differently, even silly things that no-one else would even remember. I want to float away, far away from my thoughts, where I’m just existing without effort.
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Freaky how fragile we are circling in this void. I always try to avoid these things that always come. They’re beyond my control, Stopping motion and causing tragedy. I just hope it wasn’t always tragedy.
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Convince me that I am venomous, but your poison has left me devoid of function.
Whatever love was left, is left in destruction. You give me no reason to salvage.
If you love me, well I hate the way you love me.
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I couldn’t tolerate all my thoughts but the war is won when the Valium takes away all my anxious feelings. All these dealings are overcome, but only for a moment.
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Through the window my ashes float with the breeze down through till the new day begins. It’s so peaceful, I’m so calm going where the wind wants me to be.
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Love leaves so slow, if at all. Stole a piece, and then I never put it back. I sometimes see so clear in my dreams, but when I’m awake my dreams seem so unclear. I address you through my words, but I don’t expect you to see – I’m just a girl you used to know. I’m not angry, although sometimes I am. I guess it’s the way it has to be.
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It’s quite a problem that we can’t find common ground, because I would love to stand with you on our ground.
When you look, do you see me? Or am I remembered in ashes that blew out your window, and so therefore forgotten.
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And the silence sounds, the silence sings, the silence rings in my ears. Pouring all it has out into the universe, but only I can hear it. Everyone else just hears silence.
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Soulless things wander the streets, Monsters lure under beds, and demons watch as you sleep. It’s a nightmare. It’s a nightmare alright.
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Staring at the screen, nothing but evergreen passes the in-between. no-one can take away the simple stare you make. The water was calm by the lake, so distant in my memory. I must use different sensory to remember the moments past. These things are meant to last.
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Law and Order SVU is coming on tv soon, I’m obsessed with Law and Order lol.
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Pleas don’t leave me not knowing, I can’t handle it
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I feel like I’m choking, gurgling on air. My throat is tightening, my chest keeps tensing, and I feel like there’s a cyclone spiralling in my stomach.
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A beautiful flower’s petal’s dance under the gleaming light. A drop of rain delicately lands on one of her petals. But she stands strong, and brave until the shower ends and the beautiful sun shows his face once again.
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I ponder so far into my past and ruminate on all my past mistakes…And Ive grown so a custom to this way of thinking.
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Tangled in the web of the artist
Spun to perfection the lies said in direction
to the only face taken in space
Flying in and out of your mind
The thought never stays but never leaves
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Stay awake, don’t shut your eyes because I don’t want tomorrow to start. I want tonight to last forever, so I won’t have to face the obligations that the morning brings.
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In the morning, still dark, I woke up dreaming. I seen the hallucinations of the demons and the ghosts, but they don’t visit me anymore. Hypnopompic state had its way with me, but I still think it’s real..yes I still think it was real.
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Romanticise a stupid life that will never exist
Gone through the headlights into the mist
She dances, and twists till her wind dissipates
And I haven’t been able to think for so long, of anything, but you
As long as he’s happy – Then the wind will stop dancing.
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You know she walks on air, she’ll float away so beware
Once you catch her, you gotta set her free
To float away into the clouds
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Delicate dreams peaceful it seems
As they sleep
I am awake
Beautiful flower so delicate
Bring me peaceful dreams tonight
I’ll pull the petals one by one
Until I Fall asleep
I try not to look back
But my dreams always bring back the past
Riddled with regrets
Open my eyes to my mistakes
Let’s just leave the past in the past
And have sweet dreams
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Treat me soft, even though I’ve acted on the impulses of anger. I guess I must expect the same in return, I’m nervous of the words still left to come.
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I feel really overwhelmed, maybe the lorazepam will help. I’m stuck inside my head. I’m struggling, not handling the things you say. If you documented in song the demon at my door, maybe you shouldn’t have. I’m often worried about mind control, and the evil in me taking control.
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All the words that I’ve heard and wrote. Saturated with the cool air, frosted without a care. Crumble, the words will. My door is closed, I’ll keep running. Unease, stormy seas, meant to be’s crash through the entrance of this place – opening the door.
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I’ve been waiting what seems like a while
For you to tell me what you know, tell me true, I’ll tell you too.
Anger swells in my surf. Stumbling sections of separating extensions slowly entertaining the idea that maybe things are the way they should be.
Nothing sits right, the seatbelt is so tight. I sense this slight tone in the words you choose. I just think I’m bound to lose on this quest you call love.
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So suppose things could be different, I’ll ruminate about it for forever. So many questions, so many leeches stuck to my thoughts – maybe that’s why I can’t find the answers through the memories my mind gives. If I just think more, I’ll be able to find them, if I just think more maybe I can understand.
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Not talking to myself, you know they’re there, whispering in the crooked, croaked, cabinet they call my mind.
Total silence is hard to find, no visuals ever enter my mind. It’s just black, and I’ve always been afraid of the dark.
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Inspiration hits when she flips
Out of control
So better prepare
For a sceptic scare
She’ll glare
You’ll stare
Pretty,
At a cost to impair
Tempting,
On tell tale grips
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My mind will spread its roots all through my brain, extracting every sense of self. Leaking poison through the icky parts of myself, convincing me of all that is wrong with the way I feel. And I feel lost, I feel sad, but I feel I must overcome at any cost.
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Step on each petal of the flower, tiptoe through the blackhole in the middle. Checkmate, all the cubes are straight, perfect symmetry from an obsessive compulsive. State the facts, go through it over and over and over again, an intrusive and unwanted thought which never collapses to leave the mind.
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It can bring out the best, but it can bring out the worst. I don’t want to be the motivation, the reason to get out of bed. There’s no need for inspiration, everything must come to an end. Just don’t forget to send me the memo, so I can find something more in this sound. I’m hearing but I’m not listening. I’m looking but I can’t see…I’m blinded.
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You used to make the best paper planes, but now I can’t remember how to make them. They flew in circles, and I’ve just stood still. Clinging to free will, I didn’t take the pill that helps me heal. Desperate to contain my emotions.
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The songs sing like venom in your ears. With rhythm, rhymes, and so called reasons. The treasons curse like poison in your ears. With purpose, plans, and long lost prayers.
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When angels space out in the heavens scoping out the demons lair. Stationed softly deep below, the fire beckons for your soul to conform to lose control. Always under my own control, I sway whenever I can to lose it, because there’s always the pressure of being so preserved all the the time.
Schizoreflective 