I wish I could be content within myself, anxiety always overshadows. Compulsion, static sympathy. I finished that show last night, it made me cry. Some things are so meaningless, but I think about them over and over till they have meaning.
Tag: feelings
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Her heart roams the earth, bound by existence. Stripped down to a matchstick flame, frozen like a photograph – So always a memory.
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It all Changed for me, when I promised myself I’d never forget. I’m awake when everyone else sleeps. Everything goes through my mind, anger, distress, peace, quiet and always longing for more. Can you give yourself to someone, when your heart belongs to another.
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I created a world where my dreams flew wild, they blew in the deep blue sky…and it seemed I seen it all…but it was only your silhouette, with the parts that my dreams filled in.
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I left so many promises behind, and had none to move forward with. Stolen stares and separate affairs, no one could have predicted what was to come of some of us ahead.
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It’s all in my head, everything I needed to say. But it’s like it’s been illogically scribbled on a napkin, it doesn’t make sense when my mouth moves to say it. Creatively thought through, but riddled in the middle of confusion. Nothing reaches the conclusion, it’s just a spinning splash of gibberish.
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You keep me in your words
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When you discover things aren’t real, you drown your whole world in your mind.
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What if I’m way off with my thoughts and feelings,
What if I can’t control my emotions if they get close.
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So spacious, I’m so ungracious. Slipped and fell on a sinful fight. The night comes fast, man it freaks me out. Stay, and the world beckons for an applause. Only time will tell, the difference between now and then. Spend on the end of a finger prick. Pick your battles, well okay I will.
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Crucial coincidences. Misidentifying. Rapid cycling. System overloading. Minds folding. Stubborn incidences. Fine principles. Caving walls. Detail falls. Just Craving more.
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Had a year just to stay all mine, I had some time to stay all night.
It’s a Beating crime to go out of sight.
The room closes in so tight, just wasting away my prime.
It’s defeating, and I felt nothing below my feet.
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Mirages masked in static around the room
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September blues left you with no clues, but creation bleeds through the finger tips and the ink sheds some light on the crash. Assassinating the waves, no lamictal rash, just more stable. Driving in the car, I thought solely of the things that bury me deep in reflection, and then I reflected on it.
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I Want to feel free from the walls that line my mind. I wanna let go, without the fear of falling. But Anxiety warns me every time. It talks to me, and he has a name. So I can’t be free, because I don’t want to lose control.
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Earthquakes as birth makes something contoured that was once slow burned. It’s never together, always apart – and maybe the birth takes more than what I will learn. I learn so slowly, you see. I learn so slow, and now it’s too late. Over the head, everything rolls, over my head. In my own world, when I’m tired the butterflies and flowers moved over me. I fell asleep in the garden yesterday.
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I have a strength in me, to believe in all the things that you say.
But I get misguided, the wires cross. Fiction, and fact get intertwined.
Twisting out of control, the veins in my brains get bigger and bigger.
And I know that It’ll be with me forever.
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I’ll feed my fantasy
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Rumours rest on my shoulders, weighing me down
Careful planning plots a patient, painful revenge
Now Regretful actions tilt beside my aching past life
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Listening to the flooded sound, measuring my state of mind on a scale. -
Days began to swing one into another when the seroquel put me to sleep for most days and nights, but now the seroquel can’t even stop me from staying up all night sometimes. Still the days blur.
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Everybody heard the noise from the headphones because I listen to my music too loud. Everybody glanced at the paper as I wrote a letter to myself, but they couldn’t understand anything that it said. Riddled in riddles, septic in meaning, and all the words were lost through time until I found it in the future.
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Coming through the black spot from the dot at the end of the sentence. A whirlwind, catastrophic situation that’s signalling the end.
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Thoughts are a mess, jumping from one thing to the next.
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The weather in my mind is lighting and rain.
Time traveling through all the pain.
Overthinking until I’m insane.
Nothing works right inside my brain.
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As long as our hearts are pure, I’m sure we’ll definitely find a cure to heal our souls. But, the inevitable is always going to come. Playing music while I lie awake unable to sleep because I feel it deep. I keep reminiscing on past memories and how I could have done it differently, even silly things that no-one else would even remember. I want to float away, far away from my thoughts, where I’m just existing without effort.
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Convince me that I am venomous, but your poison has left me devoid of function.
Whatever love was left, is left in destruction. You give me no reason to salvage.
If you love me, well I hate the way you love me.
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Truth sleeps while the mouth lies. Temper won’t storm, no not today. But the whispering thoughts still swirl around the mind, till the shallow stems break through the skin.
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Love leaves so slow, if at all. Stole a piece, and then I never put it back. I sometimes see so clear in my dreams, but when I’m awake my dreams seem so unclear. I address you through my words, but I don’t expect you to see – I’m just a girl you used to know. I’m not angry, although sometimes I am. I guess it’s the way it has to be.
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Inspiration hits when she flips
Out of control
So better prepare
For a sceptic scare
She’ll glare
You’ll stare
Pretty,
At a cost to impair
Tempting,
On tell tale grips
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My mind will spread its roots all through my brain, extracting every sense of self. Leaking poison through the icky parts of myself, convincing me of all that is wrong with the way I feel. And I feel lost, I feel sad, but I feel I must overcome at any cost.
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Astounding the places my mind goes, travelling through time just to roam a planet far away. Clever at tricking, it’s sticking to its story. Strong to misguide, never thinking right. Confused, misjudged, statements left unsaid. Sounds found deep within. Too much control. But I can’t control either.
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I’m gonna fall apart before I ever get the part where you say you care. You have to stare, glaring at the empty chairs – A systematic sinister snapshot berating us with its existence.
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Secrets signed with pencil
I’ve still got damage from the image of you kissing her
My signature can easily be erased
My pockets are filled with scepticism
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Love to end in tragedy, isn’t it oh so romantic. Oh no, but it’s supposed to be all okay with you. Every fad and curse to start with emptiness, isn’t it a tragedy you’ll say, Everything is lost on me. I do listen to your words and rhymes, even though I misunderstood.
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Too long to wait, the wait is endless. The pavement leaves me speechless. Just for a moment maybe I thought I wasn’t crazy, but I probably am. Aw well not much I can do to inform you now.
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Droplets seep into the skin below your eyes, sorrow awakens and begs us to surrender. Solemnly swear to my broken back and shoulders left bare, that I will try to move today.
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Sunshine gloom. Tears in fearsome eyes. Colours of all shades, glowing in this game charade. Sometimes I can see more than what’s beyond me.
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I never changed my mind, circles, go round and round. Too stubborn to influence, intuition is often confused. Why live your life wondering if you don’t have to. I don’t understand why I have to live my life wondering. Acting natural in front of you, something a rather. Maybe something lucky will happen. It’s amazing how many stories go round and round my head.
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Staring blankly at a fragmented ceiling, my heart screams from within me, nothing can console my rotten bones. So I lie here and stare at the fragments above me, and dream.
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When I find out I wasted all this time planning the perfect crime, it’s fine, everything can roll over me like the car tires that scatter the gravel on the road. Should we believe everything we’re told, not sure, probably not. It seems to smother me, but at the same time, I love it.
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All my visions, they just appear. Dripping along the typed paragraph, all my expectations disappear. Seeping through the skin, the scars reappear. Making it so damningly clear, that there’s so obviously still fear.
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You runaway. It’s never gonna matter, because you’re never gonna forget her. They say everything happens different through the seasons. All your dreams revolve around, all your fears crash around. So slow, I look for silver rings, hoping I don’t find any. But one day I will.
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My mood changes every few days, today it’s glowing like the sunny day it is. I didn’t feel sad yesterday and today like I did the days before. I was motivated to exercise, I get these bouts of motivation, Then I have a week where I can’t do anything. It’s like I’m trapped in a never ending tunnel of depression, there’s no light, but then all of a sudden I feel ecstatic, excited, but the cycle repeats and I’m sad again.
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Future self I see, and I don’t like her. She speaks and then she shocks with her words. she’s clever, uneasy, and super breezy. She’s quiet in company, sometimes her mind yells voices too loud and too soon. I ask How far ahead are you? She’s older, and bolder but she’s not me, just some random lady I happened to pass by.
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I wish I knew why I can’t get into bed, I’d sleep on the lounge for days on end. Usually awake, sometimes all night. I start to hallucinate, probably from sleep deprivation, or maybe just psychotic. I guess It’s chaotic.
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All the People caught in your web, they lie for your lies, and you cry for your broken heart but don’t bat an eye to rip out another. You say that you love me like I’m some tourist attraction, when you never even bothered to get to know me. Infatuated with a ghost as you sleep by another. You messed with my perception of reality, if you were like me you would know to never do that. I don’t think I can forgive…I don’t think I want to forgive.
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Stated simply to gain a positive impact on a fallout that is bound to occur. I’m steadily gaining traction as I peddle down this fracture. A taser to my brain, you left it all messed up. I’m confused, not knowing what’s real from what’s not.
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The vines reach up to strangle the curtains
Leaving them gasping for air
Standing in all my despair
They curl around me, And suffocate me
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And when you felt the cold radiate from under my skin. Everything reacts at once, an explosion of indecisiveness. Changing disposition to reflect me staring back at you. And Some things mean nothing to me.
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Can you send your feelings through the mic, so I can analyse the lyrics till I confuse them. De Clérambault’s syndrome sync to my beat. I think I’m finally tempted to run to my defeat.
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Stitched my lips so you won’t hear it from me. But when the scissors break them free, everyone will see that everything is not the way they are supposed to be. Figured I would have figured this out by now, don’t know maybe I’m not meant to know, and the snow was always gonna fall over my gutted head.
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You seem so bitter
When really you’re just busy
Watching the stars
Gazing in bars
Tasting the cars
To treasure the litter
Yeah I’m just litter
Treasuring the fitter
You can never save me
From the setting sun
Setting sun…
Severe my staging state
Never meant to take
Forever bound…
Forever bound…
I say so long to the state I am bound. Goodbye…
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Maybe it wasn’t meant to hurt me, but I can’t stop thinking, what if it was.
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My temper falls to a cry
Maybe it’s difficult to try
When the standards are so high
You left my brain to fry
Keeping up with your lie
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Tomorrow I’ll run against the smallest odds
I’ll frown upon the lonely thoughts
That trim a breathless pain too close to remain
In my destiny
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‘Wake up’ my mind calls to itself ‘wake up’ don’t dream too small. Burry your heart in something tall, trigger warnings swallow me until I fall.
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So is that what it is, a heart for a heart sorta thing. I break yours, you break mine
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Looking at the pictures of us…
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There will never be time in this life to bring back the sight that unknowingly blinds the windows of this house. Perpetuated, sometimes insinuated, blacken the depth beneath your gaze. For your gaze crucifies me in an attempt at being heard. Nothing can beckon the strength to pull through. I’ll lie here damaged, ditched, and dead on the floor.
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Celebrating a bad situation, throwing my forgiveness at it. Almost like it’s meant to belong here.
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Why? Why must things be this way? We must suffer to know pleasure. Freedom comes when we are one with ourselves. But I’m shattered in little pieces.
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I’m traveling and I don’t know where I’m going. Strangled by knowing. I’m becoming by drowning. How I’m always drowning. Pounding my drum through.
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I’m terrible, totally trashable. Dancing on ice, I fall more than twice. Slow cooked crooked damned man, never knowing what comes next. Frozen in an everlasting space. Begging just to escape. Sinister solemn souls bare bold on my back bone, nothing can touch me, and I mean not even you.
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Nobody ever would dare to spare the salty tears that dance down your face. your hands kiss your cheeks as they wipe the tears away. The words leave your lips, and I’m crucified by your gaze. Lazy days and long lost words play on my mind. Hoping that it’s not all in my mind.
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So deductive, mind blown
Wish I could of seen
That I was not unseen
Frozen shivers run down
My spine
Sorry I missed that line
Can you say it clearer
Because it haunts me
Not knowing
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Crowded, haunted, surrounded. it sounds like the voices in my head, I got to get away – before the violins play. They play for each tear that drops, they play for the sadness within my heart, and they play for the long lost dreams that never quite made it.
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A million words could surpass me, but the ones that stick are those that come with a thorn.
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Everybody knows, Everybody but me
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Strapped back, stuck in the back
Fronting the elements in the great contusion constructing my body
Nothing enters without leaving, nothing stays without going. They all move forward, while I move backward.
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Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
Stolen by a form of broken place
Rubbing the last existence of my face
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There was never anything
That could explain everything
I feel the jealousy sting
Hope there won’t be any bling
It’s nice to hear the birds sing
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Feel the freshness of the breath blowing on your face, the breath of this spring day, dancing around your fears. You’re finding things troubling, she wonders if fact is fiction, is it all in her head.
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Late night, cannot sleep
Thinking about something deep
Letting it go round and round my head
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The light was out of sight
The darkness was the opposite from bright
The walls caving in so tight
I keep thinking nothing feels right
I might begin my flight
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Swiftly but surely I’ll stroll by the hole in my heart
I’ll staple it back to the start
Oh, how love plays such a part
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Slippery and slowly scraping by, maybe I’m done. Maybe I’m no fun. Maybe I don’t even see the sun. Sobbing in the backseat…The front seat is taken.
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Dead in the night, left me in so much fright. Gone outta sight. A fight with the light.
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Watching the faces, flow through these places. Gemini or Cancer, I don’t know the answer. Butterflies flutter and shutter, executing me and leaving me lonely. If only I had known before it was too late. Cleaning the slate won’t be as easy as fate. So here I go, I say Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye
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Shiver with the wither, slither slit with scissors
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Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
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The storage in my brain feels like it’s almost full. I process through all my negative thoughts, but I can’t delete a single one. Nothing about this is really any fun. Reliving every moment like sunburn from bathing in the sun.
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It’s hard finding inspiration
You’ll see I’m always waiting
Looking for something breaking
Taking all my impaction
It’s a long life infraction
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I’m losing favour
In the depths of this flavour
Please be my saviour
Intense behaviour
Total betrayer
You are the slayer
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The damage is done, and life goes on.
But I didn’t think I’d be waiting this long.
I hear a melody in a delicate song.
Telling me everything I’ve done wrong.
I’m keeping the etiquette to stay strong.
While Remembering loosely I do not belong.
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Hesitating while contemplating
So invading, my life’s upstaging
Fall from the caging, Freedom’s taking
Damage rebranding on a time left standing
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Every word held over my head
Please when I go to bed
Let me sleep this river away
The mountain was steep, does it compel you to stay?
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Did you hear all the rumours
I think they’re true
The walls you build to keep safe
There’s nobody here, in my dream, but you and me.
I can’t keep following without knowing
Give me peace, I am the only one here
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My mind is lost and my heart is tossed. Stolen in an instant, I was no investment. Depreciating every day, my testament out on display. Pretending everything was gonna be okay. I was debating by the day, wondering what you will say.
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The words will not come
Leave clues like bread crumb
Breathe deep through your lungs
Sing creep through your tongues
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Congratulations!
I’m saturated
Impulse on overdrive
Eye contact is scarce
Singing lullabies in my head
Much is lost with the dead
I wish everything was ok instead
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Your distress is dressed to impress
Instant attack, takes me aback
Good luck to something that will suck
Front and back, your lack of trust is engraved
Lonely and deprived, slowly divided
And Into nothing none the less
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It’s the parts that’s frozen
It’s the starts that’s chosen
You left your mark
Like a timid shark
Soft with a mean bite
I’ll be out of sight
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Situations lost
But at what cost
You say to forget
But I have all this regret
Situations lost
And it was at a cost
I can’t forget
And you can’t erase this regret
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It’s like a sitcom and we both play the victim and in an attempt to glance I tend to stare, rough and rare, tell me you still care. Nothings gonna end my pain, and I still haven’t made peace with that yet. When I was In the audience and it feels so raw, I wish I knew more. And if only you saw.
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How do you lie? With the etch in your eye
It’s so hard to find the heart behind the wall that you’ve built up so tall.
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Sweet Angel take me
Don’t let them wake me
I’m bent over backwards
Frozen like the statues
An accent on a champagne pain
Make me better, make me feel better
Do I need the zaps again
I’m caught up in traps
Sweet Angel take me
Don’t let them wake me
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Give me something to take from my miserable life
Don’t leave me to beg in strife
I thrive on the hope, I deprive on the unknown
Broken and unspoken – can you just give me another clue? To make me feel it’s true.
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I see the manipulator
He’s my favourite player
Withdrawing every layer
Maybe you could stay and…
– To Be Continued
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Sometimes we want it all
Sometimes we seem to fall
And sometimes I hear your call
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I was Polishing my worst qualities
And maybe I should say I’m sorry
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Sing so sad, but lingerings bad. I want to hold on, but what I’m hearing may be a dream. Nothing is as it seems, bringing pain with every slander. Leaving a crater in the depths of my heart. Taking me back to the start, where it all began…
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Taken on a long whispering road, winding through the ashes of my past. A trillion reasons to be on my way but I’m here to hear what you have to say. Are you gonna make me pay?
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A child lost inside
Moving with the tide
Waves go up & down
Reminiscing on this town
I don’t think I’ll make you proud
Every word that breaks from your mouth becomes too loud
I’m begging to hear a particular sound to put my mind at ease
A burden I ride on the ocean’s seas
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This rewinding in my head going over every word that you said
Sing a song to make everything go along
Will I always be in the shadows teasing like black widows
Looking out of the windows, my heart shows
Closeness when still faraway
I’m sad
But you’re with the sunshine
And that’s okay
⁃ Stay there
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I don’t know how I live with this regret
Maybe if I wish to forget instead of to reset
I might find peace in the depths of my upset
Always I have struggled dreaming of what I should get
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One of the saddest who has seen the happiest in her life
Propelling to the top of the food chain
And downgraded some time after
Feathers and treasures bend through the light
All the lies that someone sent
Swept under the carpet
But never forgotten
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The weight pressing on my lungs
Expressing the essence that leaves me lush
Waiting, and waiting for a never
Stopping and starting forever
Glance at the light, I’m never in the dark
Was I supposed to share that part
A lot has kept me apart
From the social start
I’m not lonely in the way you think
I’m lonely in the way because not many understand
But do you understand?
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Oceans made from the tears you wept
Cutting edge back through the nights I slept
Am I in your debt or are you in mine?
Maybe if I never knew I’d be fine
But I want to know, I want to know what’s true
Ultimately can I believe in you
Because I’m unsure if your words are true
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I can’t withstand the extent of my long lost thought
Nail it down like a treasure begging to be kept
I’m trending on the sentiment of my mind
Cross roading through the fast thoughts
Blinking, breathing deep
I can’t watch you weep, and I cannot sleep
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I opened my eyes to be greeted with lies
Injected with insincerity, my heart cries
As my brain tries to float away
Emptying into oblivion
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Painstaking undo this tracking
I’m bombarded by avalanches
Thoughts confused with fiction
Or is it words whispered in lies
Have mercy on me
I did not know firstly
And secondly I’m broken
A temper framed like a time bomb
Desperately waiting, dreaming for the shit to hit the fan
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I’m still trying not to be weak
Being the opposite of what they seek
Everlasting breath
moves through the millennium
Broken hearts surround where it starts
But nothing can control those parts -
Your tentacles left me in shambles
Tightening around me
Breaking me apart
I should of known from the start
That you would break my heart
Your voice it rambles inside my head
But Maybe I should break free instead
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I think constantly, going over and over in my head. Pressure building to expand. No one’s giving in, am I believing the truth or is my mind lying to me. Only one can say.
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Bloomed as I became doomed
My minds racing like it’s vroomed
Can I handle what I asked for?
My heads about to explode
Dressed and begging to implode
Let honesty breathe, and decency leave
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Mess with my heart, fair enough. But don’t mess with my head.
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Hear the girl in your song, it feels like a dream
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I see you in my dreams,
My hair flows like streams,
Lonely as such it seems,
My heart bursts and steams,
Grown so far from our teens,
Desperate to wipe out my screens,
I like how my heart beams,
Are you sure you know what that means?
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So long since I’ve looked away
Driving my past each way
Wondering what to say
I’ll figure it out one day
Maybe my mind will choose to stay…
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It’s frosty in the fog of my mind, clouds bruise against my skull. Looking blankly at the wall, judging time wrong. Beckoning for a reason to survive. The depression is like poison in my veins, which makes me dangerously poisonous. Sometimes it’s best for others to stay away.
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Basking on your thrown of lies, terrible brutal cries cemented in a fellow heart. Mine breaks for hers.
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I see your face, it’s so out of place
Like a Picasso, dented and fragmented
But the colour is so intense, and it just doesn’t make sense.
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A crowded path as a lonely craft, stationed for impact. There’s no way I’m coming out intact, desperate for contact. My mind burrows oh so far within itself. I wonder through myself to find my lonely path. Only to be transformed into a bottomless craft destined for impact.
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Take a step back, and deny the truth
Desperate for the proof
Opening my eyes to my unseen youth
Poison buries my body into an unrelenting shape
Taking every precaution to escape
Coming out with nothing but a scrape
Underlining every word that could be truth
Always looking for some sort of proof
Reminiscing on my youth
Bending so unruly out of shape
Desperate for any kind of escape
All that’s left is this awful scrape
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My brain runs wild with every scent of what’s meant to be. My heart breaks for my past, living in the lonely state that never gets better. Sometimes I wonder if I did one thing differently, would everything change. I relive the past over, and over – contemplating my choices. Choices that may have been for the best, but fill me with pain.
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Torching the path through my mind, taking my time. Breathing every breath as if it’s my last. Entering the Time Machine to my past. Everything moves so fast. Unlocked memories, and unboned rarities – nothing can become unstuck, especially our past.
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Maybe one day I’ll be free, I’ll be me
Someone I’m still yet to find
But I do know I’ll always be kind
Thoughts flow by slow, then thoughts fly by fast
Emptying everything I have into the vast awareness
My mind seems to lean towards the depress
But I know I’ll always be kind
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Am I insane, or does it say my name. Listening cautiously, interestingly my attention is drawn. Love to be sworn, stung by a snake. A liars path did you take? Or am I just insane, the pattern remains. Going in circles, waiting for the proof.
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Never, ever would I think I’d forget.
Forgive, sure…But forget, no.
I’m wandering through a forest in my mind
Blinking softly as I move through the trees
No one can stop me from reliving my past mistakes
Nothing can ease the pain of these regrets
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I’ve never been so paralysed here in paradise
Gloomy storms begin to brew through my mind
Paradise feels now so far away
Trembling for peace, I begin to decease
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Sunshine on a blue day
Feels so weird to say
Everyone’s got their way
I’d beg you just to stay
My skin begins to Fray
My mind decides to play
Everyone seems to betray
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Ready for take-off, but my wings are broken
Taking each step slowly so I don’t fall
Never have I been as taken as now
I wish I could take your hand, and it will all be okay
I wish things could be different,
Maybe in another life, or another time.
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Afternoons slip into mornings and the air feels so calm as your breathing it in, just to say what will come of today?
And a grey cloud hovers above my head, rain empties from the cloud making the tears rolling down my face less obvious.
And then morning slips into afternoon.
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What’s left in the unsaid
Dampening beneath my breath
Always frozen, always burning
Never ending turning,
taken by a stream of tears
Lost beneath the current
Eliminating me, I’m drowning
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I’d transport my thoughts if I could
I’d send them to a place,
Where bad thoughts don’t hurt
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Waking only to find I’m lost
Trembling in the way I tossed
No one feels my emotion
Going through the motions
Never ending taking place
Taking breath in every case
Solitary blames my only way
Begging for you just to say
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Whistle in the moonlight
A song sleepless in the night
Forever chasing you
Forever losing you
Long lost on an empty frost
At what cost will I become tossed
In the recycling, I am recycled
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Sliding, scraping away
Deafened by the sound my heart decides to be its prey.
Cracking under the pressure, no hope to measure
I blink once, then twice – but there’s nothing nice about it
Nothing compares, nothing ever declares
I’m Frozen in a bucket of tears
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Peeling in poison
Breaking my back to understand what’s wrong with me.
There’s not even a tiny glimmer of hope
I’m just lonely in my quest to live
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Broken, but you can’t tell by my appearance
I look like I’m all together
It affects me like brain damage
I’m Fighting A polluted mind
Desperate for answers
I cower in the corner
Seeking peace would come more effortlessly
Shaded from the sun, blinded before it began
I’m just hopelessly waiting
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Taking my last breath to a leaping depth
I never felt so tense, nothing makes sense
Traveling to another place, showered in lace
Fragments of death upon the theft
Nothing feels right, my chest breathes so tight
Everything takes shape, but never feels straight
You lend a helping hand,
from beneath the liars chair that you stand
Take my hand, and we’ll break free from this land
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Beautiful seascape storm
Centred around my base
Categorised by form
An Internal left out space
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How did I make it here,
So far away from you?
How did I lose so much?
Breathing battered breaths,
From longing depths
Nothing seems to drain my mess
Begging to eliminate my stress
Why do I favour contempt?
Why can’t I see myself different?
Always confused, in a deadly doom.
Maybe tomorrow will change
-
Creepy crawly crawling on me
Dead till the end, the depth of despair
Never breaking forward to meet the air
Forever locked in a long lost battle
Forced to freeze in an up fold shatter
I will never be the same in this endless pain
-
Why must the wind howl like a dog desperate for air?
The tone in my voice becomes relentless and bare
Together they bend to train their stare
Forever I’ll learn I’m born to scare
All this taming doesn’t seem fair
I’m lonely in this world bound to tear
Why did I teach myself to care
-
I hit the ground as hard as possible
Searching for something left unfound
I want more, I’ll always want more
But I’m afraid – maybe things weren’t meant to go my way
I hit the ground while I was searching for something that wasn’t meant to be found
-
Washing the clarity from my mind
Intense dread runs through to find
A longtime I tried to be kind
But now I’m hopeless only to remind
You of what comes behind
I’m watching you break in my mind
I’m watching myself turn blind
Bending, and breaking into the grind
Something I could not define
A love lost in time
-
I can’t tell myself what I’m supposed to do
Caught in the memory of you
All I know is the depth of this takes two
I have to say I have no clue
What’s real, and what not to pursue
-
Love feverish with a slow burn
You left me in a ditch
I crawled out, but now I’m dead
A zombie in the flesh
Here where I end, I begin
There was nowhere to turn
The air was no longer fresh
And my bed still lay empty
-
I don’t have the crystal clear vision
My glasses are fogged
Making my decision blocked
A sinister plot to create an incision
One I’d never go through with
A mission to end the dream
Nothing is as you’d seem
You have the light, but dream of the dark
Maybe you didn’t have the spark
I made the endless mark, that burns through your heart
Stapled to the fog of my glasses, I have the crystal clear vision now.
-
I drain my energy, floating through the pain.
Nothing creates something in my brain.
Dazed through the elements of rain, blood demands my attention.
Nothing compares to the depths of my insanity, nothing gains from my empathy.
Empty and alone I find a path to take.
A lonely path destined to break.
Nothing compares to my pain.
-
You’ll fear me forever
Afraid to see me, my eyes bleed
Taking revenge at every stage
As you take the stage, bleeding with rage
I can’t take these words you throw at me
My eyes close, focused on your prose
Nothing can clear my head
Nothing can take back what you said
I’ll fear you forever
-
It seems seamless the way the words flow
Breaking down every breath from below
My understanding is not always instant
But the poem leaves me a great indent
Banishing the poison from my pain
A silhouette with tears of rain
I’ve come to reclaim my brain
-
I am enslaved by the bane of my existence
Twisting and turning but never learning
You take a stake to my chest
Just as I was about to leave
I turn to see the thunder thumping in your heart
And I think to myself, Maybe it isn’t over…
-
I still hope that you lied to me.
Because if you did, then it means my mind isn’t lying.
I feel so defenceless against uncontrollable circumstances.
Trying to swim to the surface just so I can take that deep breath you deny me.
I’m motionless hanging onto my hope, begging my soul just to cope with this empty mess.
I’ve never been able to handle too much stress. But because of you, I’m bleeding constantly.
It feels like my heart was stolen.
-
It feels like I’ve been waiting so long
I’ve held on so strong
Weeping on a sun soaked willow
Feeding it from under my pillow
Will I hear the sounds soon?
I beg to hear the tune
Please let it reveal the truth
I need the proof
To end the endless suffering
-
Tomorrow I’ll run against the smallest odds
I’ll frown upon the lonely thoughts
That trim a breathless pain too close to remain
In my destiny
-
I lost something that was important to me
I lost something, and now my soul runs bare
I’m frozen in the empty air
As I breathe shallow, I hear the warning
from my heart to my mind
‘Let go’ and I let my tears rain,
Until I’m empty
-
My heart breaks, and the tiny pieces fade into oblivion
Shading the emptiness of my mind, tidying the thoughts that rain over you
Nothing changes, even though I want it to
Dreams of you just summon my pain, they flow through like rain
Steadying my gaze on an old picture of you, fretting what could of been but never was
-
Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
Stolen by a form of broken place
Rubbing the last existence of my face
-
I don’t know who I am
My whole past feels forgotten to the point I feel empty
I’m trying to connect with my past but everything feels like a hopeless task.
I taste my future, but don’t dare to look
Every sin is a regret I never win
-
Wash this disdain from my bottomless pain.
I evaporate to the point of insane.
Why would you lie to me?
The pain indulges through my broken brain.
Why don’t they believe me?
It’s just an endless campaign that won’t sustain.
-
She’s so beautiful, delicate like a rose.
I thought she was perfect but Every rose has their thorns and everyone bleeds their thoughts sometimes.
How are we so opposite ?
We have both entangled your heart, and your love has strangled me.
I wonder if she’s easy to read like a page from a book, a page that is so easily folded.
I’m like an enigma, not easily moulded.
While my heart unravels, her heart travels and We are loved by the same person.
-
Depression has stung me
I’m bleeding In a pool of my sorrow
Deadened by my unbreakable woe
Gasping for any taste of Light
It’s an entangled fight with the darkness -
Hi,
Welcome to my blog. I’m kinda new to blogging, so I’m hoping it will be a therapeutic experience for me. Right now it is around 12pm, I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder, which can make life a little tough for me. As I’m Listening to the crisp night, and dazing crickets outside it reminds me how safe I am, yet how big the world really is. My illness makes me paranoid, so feeling safe is very important to me.
I started this blog spontaneously tonight, I had intended to start a blog a few years ago but never followed through. The blog was to be called ‘Schizoreflective’, a blog reflecting on schizoaffective disorder.
My blog that I am starting now years on will reflect on my illness, but will also be a form of therapy for me – to exercise my thoughts, and feelings on..well whatever I feel like writing about. It may be as spontaneous as starting this blog, and writing this post or maybe a post could be long planned out. I also enjoy writing a bit of poetry, so I might post some poetry – we’ll see.
Schizoreflective 