It all Changed for me, when I promised myself I’d never forget. I’m awake when everyone else sleeps. Everything goes through my mind, anger, distress, peace, quiet and always longing for more. Can you give yourself to someone, when your heart belongs to another.
Tag: heartache
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I have a strength in me, to believe in all the things that you say.
But I get misguided, the wires cross. Fiction, and fact get intertwined.
Twisting out of control, the veins in my brains get bigger and bigger.
And I know that It’ll be with me forever.
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I’ll feed my fantasy
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Coming through the black spot from the dot at the end of the sentence. A whirlwind, catastrophic situation that’s signalling the end.
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Love leaves so slow, if at all. Stole a piece, and then I never put it back. I sometimes see so clear in my dreams, but when I’m awake my dreams seem so unclear. I address you through my words, but I don’t expect you to see – I’m just a girl you used to know. I’m not angry, although sometimes I am. I guess it’s the way it has to be.
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I’m gonna fall apart before I ever get the part where you say you care. You have to stare, glaring at the empty chairs – A systematic sinister snapshot berating us with its existence.
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Secrets signed with pencil
I’ve still got damage from the image of you kissing her
My signature can easily be erased
My pockets are filled with scepticism
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Love to end in tragedy, isn’t it oh so romantic. Oh no, but it’s supposed to be all okay with you. Every fad and curse to start with emptiness, isn’t it a tragedy you’ll say, Everything is lost on me. I do listen to your words and rhymes, even though I misunderstood.
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Too long to wait, the wait is endless. The pavement leaves me speechless. Just for a moment maybe I thought I wasn’t crazy, but I probably am. Aw well not much I can do to inform you now.
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Droplets seep into the skin below your eyes, sorrow awakens and begs us to surrender. Solemnly swear to my broken back and shoulders left bare, that I will try to move today.
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Staring blankly at a fragmented ceiling, my heart screams from within me, nothing can console my rotten bones. So I lie here and stare at the fragments above me, and dream.
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All my visions, they just appear. Dripping along the typed paragraph, all my expectations disappear. Seeping through the skin, the scars reappear. Making it so damningly clear, that there’s so obviously still fear.
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You runaway. It’s never gonna matter, because you’re never gonna forget her. They say everything happens different through the seasons. All your dreams revolve around, all your fears crash around. So slow, I look for silver rings, hoping I don’t find any. But one day I will.
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All the People caught in your web, they lie for your lies, and you cry for your broken heart but don’t bat an eye to rip out another. You say that you love me like I’m some tourist attraction, when you never even bothered to get to know me. Infatuated with a ghost as you sleep by another. You messed with my perception of reality, if you were like me you would know to never do that. I don’t think I can forgive…I don’t think I want to forgive.
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Stated simply to gain a positive impact on a fallout that is bound to occur. I’m steadily gaining traction as I peddle down this fracture. A taser to my brain, you left it all messed up. I’m confused, not knowing what’s real from what’s not.
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The vines reach up to strangle the curtains
Leaving them gasping for air
Standing in all my despair
They curl around me, And suffocate me
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And when you felt the cold radiate from under my skin. Everything reacts at once, an explosion of indecisiveness. Changing disposition to reflect me staring back at you. And Some things mean nothing to me.
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Can you send your feelings through the mic, so I can analyse the lyrics till I confuse them. De Clérambault’s syndrome sync to my beat. I think I’m finally tempted to run to my defeat.
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Stitched my lips so you won’t hear it from me. But when the scissors break them free, everyone will see that everything is not the way they are supposed to be. Figured I would have figured this out by now, don’t know maybe I’m not meant to know, and the snow was always gonna fall over my gutted head.
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You seem so bitter
When really you’re just busy
Watching the stars
Gazing in bars
Tasting the cars
To treasure the litter
Yeah I’m just litter
Treasuring the fitter
You can never save me
From the setting sun
Setting sun…
Severe my staging state
Never meant to take
Forever bound…
Forever bound…
I say so long to the state I am bound. Goodbye…
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Maybe it wasn’t meant to hurt me, but I can’t stop thinking, what if it was.
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My temper falls to a cry
Maybe it’s difficult to try
When the standards are so high
You left my brain to fry
Keeping up with your lie
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Tomorrow I’ll run against the smallest odds
I’ll frown upon the lonely thoughts
That trim a breathless pain too close to remain
In my destiny
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‘Wake up’ my mind calls to itself ‘wake up’ don’t dream too small. Burry your heart in something tall, trigger warnings swallow me until I fall.
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Everything drifts into silence, I speak but there are no words.
I search for the light. They say that it’s there. So I know that it’s there. But my eyes don’t wanna see.
The need for belonging continues to drift with the feeling of empty, meaning I don’t have the need to belong.
There’s the numb divide between me and you. You deafen what’s truth, and what’s lie. The medication, or Even the zaps couldn’t clear you from my mind.
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So is that what it is, a heart for a heart sorta thing. I break yours, you break mine
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Looking at the pictures of us…
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There will never be time in this life to bring back the sight that unknowingly blinds the windows of this house. Perpetuated, sometimes insinuated, blacken the depth beneath your gaze. For your gaze crucifies me in an attempt at being heard. Nothing can beckon the strength to pull through. I’ll lie here damaged, ditched, and dead on the floor.
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Celebrating a bad situation, throwing my forgiveness at it. Almost like it’s meant to belong here.
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Why? Why must things be this way? We must suffer to know pleasure. Freedom comes when we are one with ourselves. But I’m shattered in little pieces.
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I’m terrible, totally trashable. Dancing on ice, I fall more than twice. Slow cooked crooked damned man, never knowing what comes next. Frozen in an everlasting space. Begging just to escape. Sinister solemn souls bare bold on my back bone, nothing can touch me, and I mean not even you.
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Nobody ever would dare to spare the salty tears that dance down your face. your hands kiss your cheeks as they wipe the tears away. The words leave your lips, and I’m crucified by your gaze. Lazy days and long lost words play on my mind. Hoping that it’s not all in my mind.
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So deductive, mind blown
Wish I could of seen
That I was not unseen
Frozen shivers run down
My spine
Sorry I missed that line
Can you say it clearer
Because it haunts me
Not knowing
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Crowded, haunted, surrounded. it sounds like the voices in my head, I got to get away – before the violins play. They play for each tear that drops, they play for the sadness within my heart, and they play for the long lost dreams that never quite made it.
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A million words could surpass me, but the ones that stick are those that come with a thorn.
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I heard there was something to say when someone had hurt you so.
I don’t know these words, but I don’t know, maybe you do.
I wonder if you’ve shared such words with me before
But I was too naive to know
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I’m just trying to love you, any way that I can
But you’re already somebody’s baby
I’ve been so sad lately
And I don’t want to disappoint you
But I’m not the person you’re looking for, you know you’ll always want more
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Everybody knows, Everybody but me
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Strapped back, stuck in the back
Fronting the elements in the great contusion constructing my body
Nothing enters without leaving, nothing stays without going. They all move forward, while I move backward.
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Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
Stolen by a form of broken place
Rubbing the last existence of my face
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There was never anything
That could explain everything
I feel the jealousy sting
Hope there won’t be any bling
It’s nice to hear the birds sing
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You have forsaken me, left me in the ditches to rot and burn with the fire you left behind. Crying to be rescued, I pull myself up from the dirt but not without the 3rd degree burns.
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Feel the freshness of the breath blowing on your face, the breath of this spring day, dancing around your fears. You’re finding things troubling, she wonders if fact is fiction, is it all in her head.
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Late night, cannot sleep
Thinking about something deep
Letting it go round and round my head
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The Memory of you, so sweetly gazing through the window. Day dreaming, I always wondered what you were thinking. The memory of you, watching the clock everything done on the dot. The memory of your chocolate stash, the one I would have loved to snatch. The memory of you becoming so fragile and weak. I must admit it was hard to say goodbye, but I will always have my memory of you.
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The light was out of sight
The darkness was the opposite from bright
The walls caving in so tight
I keep thinking nothing feels right
I might begin my flight
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Swiftly but surely I’ll stroll by the hole in my heart
I’ll staple it back to the start
Oh, how love plays such a part
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I never thought this would happen
I imagine you lying on your side
with a stitch too strong to undo
Because of me
Everything goes black
And I’m slowly walking toward the door
Definitely reaching out for more
As I go to turn the handle
Nothing feels the same…
What’s on the other side?
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Slippery and slowly scraping by, maybe I’m done. Maybe I’m no fun. Maybe I don’t even see the sun. Sobbing in the backseat…The front seat is taken.
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Watching the faces, flow through these places. Gemini or Cancer, I don’t know the answer. Butterflies flutter and shutter, executing me and leaving me lonely. If only I had known before it was too late. Cleaning the slate won’t be as easy as fate. So here I go, I say Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye
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Shiver with the wither, slither slit with scissors
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Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
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Sowed together through the needle bloody, seemingly beating in a perfect rhythm. Edging on the empty sold out prism. He says ‘Present yourself’, but she never shows up. slowly each stitch starts to come apart.
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Look at the sun shine
Watch it burn
Away all of your pain
Symptoms of time
Life left unknown
Watching the sun burn till we’re blown
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The storage in my brain feels like it’s almost full. I process through all my negative thoughts, but I can’t delete a single one. Nothing about this is really any fun. Reliving every moment like sunburn from bathing in the sun.
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It’s hard finding inspiration
You’ll see I’m always waiting
Looking for something breaking
Taking all my impaction
It’s a long life infraction
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I’m losing favour
In the depths of this flavour
Please be my saviour
Intense behaviour
Total betrayer
You are the slayer
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The damage is done, and life goes on.
But I didn’t think I’d be waiting this long.
I hear a melody in a delicate song.
Telling me everything I’ve done wrong.
I’m keeping the etiquette to stay strong.
While Remembering loosely I do not belong.
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Hesitating while contemplating
So invading, my life’s upstaging
Fall from the caging, Freedom’s taking
Damage rebranding on a time left standing
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Every word held over my head
Please when I go to bed
Let me sleep this river away
The mountain was steep, does it compel you to stay?
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Did you hear all the rumours
I think they’re true
The walls you build to keep safe
There’s nobody here, in my dream, but you and me.
I can’t keep following without knowing
Give me peace, I am the only one here
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My mind is lost and my heart is tossed. Stolen in an instant, I was no investment. Depreciating every day, my testament out on display. Pretending everything was gonna be okay. I was debating by the day, wondering what you will say.
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The words will not come
Leave clues like bread crumb
Breathe deep through your lungs
Sing creep through your tongues
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Congratulations!
I’m saturated
Impulse on overdrive
Eye contact is scarce
Singing lullabies in my head
Much is lost with the dead
I wish everything was ok instead
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Your distress is dressed to impress
Instant attack, takes me aback
Good luck to something that will suck
Front and back, your lack of trust is engraved
Lonely and deprived, slowly divided
And Into nothing none the less
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It’s the parts that’s frozen
It’s the starts that’s chosen
You left your mark
Like a timid shark
Soft with a mean bite
I’ll be out of sight
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Situations lost
But at what cost
You say to forget
But I have all this regret
Situations lost
And it was at a cost
I can’t forget
And you can’t erase this regret
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It’s like a sitcom and we both play the victim and in an attempt to glance I tend to stare, rough and rare, tell me you still care. Nothings gonna end my pain, and I still haven’t made peace with that yet. When I was In the audience and it feels so raw, I wish I knew more. And if only you saw.
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How do you lie? With the etch in your eye
It’s so hard to find the heart behind the wall that you’ve built up so tall.
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Sweet Angel take me
Don’t let them wake me
I’m bent over backwards
Frozen like the statues
An accent on a champagne pain
Make me better, make me feel better
Do I need the zaps again
I’m caught up in traps
Sweet Angel take me
Don’t let them wake me
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Give me something to take from my miserable life
Don’t leave me to beg in strife
I thrive on the hope, I deprive on the unknown
Broken and unspoken – can you just give me another clue? To make me feel it’s true.
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I see the manipulator
He’s my favourite player
Withdrawing every layer
Maybe you could stay and…
– To Be Continued
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Sometimes we want it all
Sometimes we seem to fall
And sometimes I hear your call
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I was Polishing my worst qualities
And maybe I should say I’m sorry
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Sing so sad, but lingerings bad. I want to hold on, but what I’m hearing may be a dream. Nothing is as it seems, bringing pain with every slander. Leaving a crater in the depths of my heart. Taking me back to the start, where it all began…
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Taken on a long whispering road, winding through the ashes of my past. A trillion reasons to be on my way but I’m here to hear what you have to say. Are you gonna make me pay?
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A child lost inside
Moving with the tide
Waves go up & down
Reminiscing on this town
I don’t think I’ll make you proud
Every word that breaks from your mouth becomes too loud
I’m begging to hear a particular sound to put my mind at ease
A burden I ride on the ocean’s seas
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This rewinding in my head going over every word that you said
Sing a song to make everything go along
Will I always be in the shadows teasing like black widows
Looking out of the windows, my heart shows
Closeness when still faraway
I’m sad
But you’re with the sunshine
And that’s okay
⁃ Stay there
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I don’t know how I live with this regret
Maybe if I wish to forget instead of to reset
I might find peace in the depths of my upset
Always I have struggled dreaming of what I should get
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One of the saddest who has seen the happiest in her life
Propelling to the top of the food chain
And downgraded some time after
Feathers and treasures bend through the light
All the lies that someone sent
Swept under the carpet
But never forgotten
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The weight pressing on my lungs
Expressing the essence that leaves me lush
Waiting, and waiting for a never
Stopping and starting forever
Glance at the light, I’m never in the dark
Was I supposed to share that part
A lot has kept me apart
From the social start
I’m not lonely in the way you think
I’m lonely in the way because not many understand
But do you understand?
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Oceans made from the tears you wept
Cutting edge back through the nights I slept
Am I in your debt or are you in mine?
Maybe if I never knew I’d be fine
But I want to know, I want to know what’s true
Ultimately can I believe in you
Because I’m unsure if your words are true
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I can’t withstand the extent of my long lost thought
Nail it down like a treasure begging to be kept
I’m trending on the sentiment of my mind
Cross roading through the fast thoughts
Blinking, breathing deep
I can’t watch you weep, and I cannot sleep
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I opened my eyes to be greeted with lies
Injected with insincerity, my heart cries
As my brain tries to float away
Emptying into oblivion
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Painstaking undo this tracking
I’m bombarded by avalanches
Thoughts confused with fiction
Or is it words whispered in lies
Have mercy on me
I did not know firstly
And secondly I’m broken
A temper framed like a time bomb
Desperately waiting, dreaming for the shit to hit the fan
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I’m still trying not to be weak
Being the opposite of what they seek
Everlasting breath
moves through the millennium
Broken hearts surround where it starts
But nothing can control those parts -
Your tentacles left me in shambles
Tightening around me
Breaking me apart
I should of known from the start
That you would break my heart
Your voice it rambles inside my head
But Maybe I should break free instead
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I think constantly, going over and over in my head. Pressure building to expand. No one’s giving in, am I believing the truth or is my mind lying to me. Only one can say.
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Bloomed as I became doomed
My minds racing like it’s vroomed
Can I handle what I asked for?
My heads about to explode
Dressed and begging to implode
Let honesty breathe, and decency leave
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Mess with my heart, fair enough. But don’t mess with my head.
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Doomsday gloom on a dusty figurine
Record runs wild looping uncontrolled
Singing aimlessly into the air
Making my skin ride bare
Favouring the instant heartache
Dreaming of a lasting blood bank
The devil plays a horrid prank
Dividing me into an alluring pain
Nothing seems seamless
Nothing feels needless
But something craves loveless
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I’m lost.
turn my life around.
But at what cost.
My feet are bound.
Empty in the frost.
I’m tired.
Freaking out.
Everything backfired.
All I do is shout.
– There’s nothing left…
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I’m gonna live like you’re not watching
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Hear the girl in your song, it feels like a dream
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I see you in my dreams,
My hair flows like streams,
Lonely as such it seems,
My heart bursts and steams,
Grown so far from our teens,
Desperate to wipe out my screens,
I like how my heart beams,
Are you sure you know what that means?
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So long since I’ve looked away
Driving my past each way
Wondering what to say
I’ll figure it out one day
Maybe my mind will choose to stay…
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It’s frosty in the fog of my mind, clouds bruise against my skull. Looking blankly at the wall, judging time wrong. Beckoning for a reason to survive. The depression is like poison in my veins, which makes me dangerously poisonous. Sometimes it’s best for others to stay away.
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Basking on your thrown of lies, terrible brutal cries cemented in a fellow heart. Mine breaks for hers.
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Take a step back, and deny the truth
Desperate for the proof
Opening my eyes to my unseen youth
Poison buries my body into an unrelenting shape
Taking every precaution to escape
Coming out with nothing but a scrape
Underlining every word that could be truth
Always looking for some sort of proof
Reminiscing on my youth
Bending so unruly out of shape
Desperate for any kind of escape
All that’s left is this awful scrape
Schizoreflective 