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It’s just classic, these feelings that corrode my sense of existence. Not present, just going through the motions of emotions that attack my inner soul. Solutions seem far away, but I know if I look that they will be near.But I don’t have the motivation to look, I’ll procrastinate till the end, and sometimes I hope it isn’t far away. -
I created a world where my dreams flew wild, they blew in the deep blue sky…and it seemed I seen it all…but it was only your silhouette, with the parts that my dreams filled in.
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I left so many promises behind, and had none to move forward with. Stolen stares and separate affairs, no one could have predicted what was to come of some of us ahead.
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It’s all in my head, everything I needed to say. But it’s like it’s been illogically scribbled on a napkin, it doesn’t make sense when my mouth moves to say it. Creatively thought through, but riddled in the middle of confusion. Nothing reaches the conclusion, it’s just a spinning splash of gibberish.
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Blowing bubbles lying down waiting for the rain to fall
Laughing at the people, wonder why they always rush, never slow down
And we’re smiling when we’re sleeping
And we’re smiling when we’re waking
Even if the rain falls down and all the sky turns cold I will feel fine
Thunder roared and lightning flashed, but you and I were in a different time
And we’re smiling when we’re sleeping
And we’re smiling when we’re waking
Floating in and out of time, in and out of space
No one else can touch us now, we’re in a different place
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Time floats me away
but I don’t mind dreaming today
on a cloud
I play my music so loud to drown out the sound
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Somewhere out there someone is staring at a statement written on a page, Desperate to understand.
The page is empty now because writers block swept over like a hurricane twisting the words from the page.
Now I feel I’m falling down whenever I stand up, and i’ve been afraid, and I know you’ll decide what you want.
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When you discover things aren’t real, you drown your whole world in your mind.
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What if I’m way off with my thoughts and feelings,
What if I can’t control my emotions if they get close.
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Why don’t you want me to know? Probably the same reason I don’t want you to know. But I don’t know why I don’t what you to know.
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Go to sleep, let the ringing fall to silence. I know it cuts deep, especially when you begin to sense the things you regret. Set a time to wake up, move your feet to the beat. Take a seat, bring yourself back to the moment…
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So spacious, I’m so ungracious. Slipped and fell on a sinful fight. The night comes fast, man it freaks me out. Stay, and the world beckons for an applause. Only time will tell, the difference between now and then. Spend on the end of a finger prick. Pick your battles, well okay I will.
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Crucial coincidences. Misidentifying. Rapid cycling. System overloading. Minds folding. Stubborn incidences. Fine principles. Caving walls. Detail falls. Just Craving more.
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Had a year just to stay all mine, I had some time to stay all night.
It’s a Beating crime to go out of sight.
The room closes in so tight, just wasting away my prime.
It’s defeating, and I felt nothing below my feet.
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Mirages masked in static around the room
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September blues left you with no clues, but creation bleeds through the finger tips and the ink sheds some light on the crash. Assassinating the waves, no lamictal rash, just more stable. Driving in the car, I thought solely of the things that bury me deep in reflection, and then I reflected on it.
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Earthquakes as birth makes something contoured that was once slow burned. It’s never together, always apart – and maybe the birth takes more than what I will learn. I learn so slowly, you see. I learn so slow, and now it’s too late. Over the head, everything rolls, over my head. In my own world, when I’m tired the butterflies and flowers moved over me. I fell asleep in the garden yesterday.
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Turn on the lights, it’s dark in here, and we all know what monsters hide in the shadows. The frequency is too low, I can’t hear you, I’ll adjust my radio. So then I can speak to you in my dreams, as I sleep. You speak of her and the things you kept, I told you to throw them away. But you weren’t actually there though were you?
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I have a strength in me, to believe in all the things that you say.
But I get misguided, the wires cross. Fiction, and fact get intertwined.
Twisting out of control, the veins in my brains get bigger and bigger.
And I know that It’ll be with me forever.
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But I won’t lie and say that’s okay
Because things don’t get better that way
It just gets swept under the rug
And the rug is a mountain already
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Suspended and connected
Confused till defused
So dangerous it’s outrageous
I’m so genuinely, delicately amused
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Rumours rest on my shoulders, weighing me down
Careful planning plots a patient, painful revenge
Now Regretful actions tilt beside my aching past life
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Listening to the flooded sound, measuring my state of mind on a scale. -
Days began to swing one into another when the seroquel put me to sleep for most days and nights, but now the seroquel can’t even stop me from staying up all night sometimes. Still the days blur.
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I want there to be no anger between, no hate in our words.
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I found the words you use to disguise. The room is filled with noises. People talking, don’t make sense. I see images on the walls, they can be beautiful. The music on the speaker is played loud, I bet yours is too. Everything cuts deep, and I have no energy to put into it. But I guess I’ll try.
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I’m slaying my singing in the shower. Energising my voice with such power. Gotta yell, gotta scream and later I’ll feel better.
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Everybody heard the noise from the headphones because I listen to my music too loud. Everybody glanced at the paper as I wrote a letter to myself, but they couldn’t understand anything that it said. Riddled in riddles, septic in meaning, and all the words were lost through time until I found it in the future.
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Coming through the black spot from the dot at the end of the sentence. A whirlwind, catastrophic situation that’s signalling the end.
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If I could talk I’d tell you
If I could smile I’ll let you know
You are far and away
My most imaginary friend
If I could talk I’d tell you
When I can smile I’ll let you know
If I could talk I’d tell you
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Thoughts are a mess, jumping from one thing to the next.
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The weather in my mind is lighting and rain.
Time traveling through all the pain.
Overthinking until I’m insane.
Nothing works right inside my brain.
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As long as our hearts are pure, I’m sure we’ll definitely find a cure to heal our souls. But, the inevitable is always going to come. Playing music while I lie awake unable to sleep because I feel it deep. I keep reminiscing on past memories and how I could have done it differently, even silly things that no-one else would even remember. I want to float away, far away from my thoughts, where I’m just existing without effort.
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Freaky how fragile we are circling in this void. I always try to avoid these things that always come. They’re beyond my control, Stopping motion and causing tragedy. I just hope it wasn’t always tragedy.
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Convince me that I am venomous, but your poison has left me devoid of function.
Whatever love was left, is left in destruction. You give me no reason to salvage.
If you love me, well I hate the way you love me.
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I don’t know if there is anything much more to say
…
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I couldn’t tolerate all my thoughts but the war is won when the Valium takes away all my anxious feelings. All these dealings are overcome, but only for a moment.
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I feel these eyes over me constantly, I feel these eyes watching over me constantly.
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I don’t want to feel any of this anymore
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Truth sleeps while the mouth lies. Temper won’t storm, no not today. But the whispering thoughts still swirl around the mind, till the shallow stems break through the skin.
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My heavy heart will cut deep, and you tried to tell me that that’s how you break a heart and you just hope it won’t fall apart.
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Through the window my ashes float with the breeze down through till the new day begins. It’s so peaceful, I’m so calm going where the wind wants me to be.
Schizoreflective 