Tag: blog
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I’m just trying to love you, any way that I can
But you’re already somebody’s baby
I’ve been so sad lately
And I don’t want to disappoint you
But I’m not the person you’re looking for, you know you’ll always want more
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Name your top three pet peeves.
My first pet peeve would have to be people who are dishonest about important things. I know that sometimes lying is needed in certain situations, and that’s okay. But because I suffer from a mental illness with psychotic symptoms, it can be hard to tell what’s real from what’s not, so it means a lot to me when people tell me the truth.
My next pet peeve is sometimes I am treated differently because I suffer from a mental illness. Almost like I’m much more fragile than a normal person.
My last pet peeve is a serious one, I hate it when people make a scrape noise on carpet. To me it’s the most awful sound I’ve ever heard, also I don’t use the word hate lightly.
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Strapped back, stuck in the back
Fronting the elements in the great contusion constructing my body
Nothing enters without leaving, nothing stays without going. They all move forward, while I move backward.
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Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
Stolen by a form of broken place
Rubbing the last existence of my face
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There was never anything
That could explain everything
I feel the jealousy sting
Hope there won’t be any bling
It’s nice to hear the birds sing
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It still stings under the water, why does this always happen to me? the self loathing
I’m always desperately trying to make it to the surface to grasp for air
But you’re holding my leg pulling me down back into the depths of despair where my tears created this ocean.
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You have forsaken me, left me in the ditches to rot and burn with the fire you left behind. Crying to be rescued, I pull myself up from the dirt but not without the 3rd degree burns.
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Feel the freshness of the breath blowing on your face, the breath of this spring day, dancing around your fears. You’re finding things troubling, she wonders if fact is fiction, is it all in her head.
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The Memory of you, so sweetly gazing through the window. Day dreaming, I always wondered what you were thinking. The memory of you, watching the clock everything done on the dot. The memory of your chocolate stash, the one I would have loved to snatch. The memory of you becoming so fragile and weak. I must admit it was hard to say goodbye, but I will always have my memory of you.
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The light was out of sight
The darkness was the opposite from bright
The walls caving in so tight
I keep thinking nothing feels right
I might begin my flight
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Swiftly but surely I’ll stroll by the hole in my heart
I’ll staple it back to the start
Oh, how love plays such a part
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I never thought this would happen
I imagine you lying on your side
with a stitch too strong to undo
Because of me
Everything goes black
And I’m slowly walking toward the door
Definitely reaching out for more
As I go to turn the handle
Nothing feels the same…
What’s on the other side?
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Alone, Alone again. Dance in the sand. No-one knows I’m bare. Sending splendour in something so rare. Nobody can take this control, not even them. The one that dares to live inside of me. I tell them to go away, but they do nothing but stay. I call you the evil in me. I try to say goodbye to that part of me, but the thoughts still thunder through my mind…Intrusive thoughts.
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Trust in the way that you betray
My memory is not clear, use it to your advantage
Do you really believe anyone deserves this all
Why is the voice singing, why is it clinging
All this pain leads to dreams stinging
I can take it if I want to
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Slippery and slowly scraping by, maybe I’m done. Maybe I’m no fun. Maybe I don’t even see the sun. Sobbing in the backseat…The front seat is taken.
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Dead in the night, left me in so much fright. Gone outta sight. A fight with the light.
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Watching the faces, flow through these places. Gemini or Cancer, I don’t know the answer. Butterflies flutter and shutter, executing me and leaving me lonely. If only I had known before it was too late. Cleaning the slate won’t be as easy as fate. So here I go, I say Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye
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Sowed together through the needle bloody, seemingly beating in a perfect rhythm. Edging on the empty sold out prism. He says ‘Present yourself’, but she never shows up. slowly each stitch starts to come apart.
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Look at the sun shine
Watch it burn
Away all of your pain
Symptoms of time
Life left unknown
Watching the sun burn till we’re blown
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The storage in my brain feels like it’s almost full. I process through all my negative thoughts, but I can’t delete a single one. Nothing about this is really any fun. Reliving every moment like sunburn from bathing in the sun.
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It’s hard finding inspiration
You’ll see I’m always waiting
Looking for something breaking
Taking all my impaction
It’s a long life infraction
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I’m losing favour
In the depths of this flavour
Please be my saviour
Intense behaviour
Total betrayer
You are the slayer
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The damage is done, and life goes on.
But I didn’t think I’d be waiting this long.
I hear a melody in a delicate song.
Telling me everything I’ve done wrong.
I’m keeping the etiquette to stay strong.
While Remembering loosely I do not belong.
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Hesitating while contemplating
So invading, my life’s upstaging
Fall from the caging, Freedom’s taking
Damage rebranding on a time left standing
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Did you hear all the rumours
I think they’re true
The walls you build to keep safe
There’s nobody here, in my dream, but you and me.
I can’t keep following without knowing
Give me peace, I am the only one here
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My mind is lost and my heart is tossed. Stolen in an instant, I was no investment. Depreciating every day, my testament out on display. Pretending everything was gonna be okay. I was debating by the day, wondering what you will say.
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Congratulations!
I’m saturated
Impulse on overdrive
Eye contact is scarce
Singing lullabies in my head
Much is lost with the dead
I wish everything was ok instead
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Your distress is dressed to impress
Instant attack, takes me aback
Good luck to something that will suck
Front and back, your lack of trust is engraved
Lonely and deprived, slowly divided
And Into nothing none the less
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It’s the parts that’s frozen
It’s the starts that’s chosen
You left your mark
Like a timid shark
Soft with a mean bite
I’ll be out of sight
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Situations lost
But at what cost
You say to forget
But I have all this regret
Situations lost
And it was at a cost
I can’t forget
And you can’t erase this regret
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It’s like a sitcom and we both play the victim and in an attempt to glance I tend to stare, rough and rare, tell me you still care. Nothings gonna end my pain, and I still haven’t made peace with that yet. When I was In the audience and it feels so raw, I wish I knew more. And if only you saw.
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How do you lie? With the etch in your eye
It’s so hard to find the heart behind the wall that you’ve built up so tall.
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Sweet Angel take me
Don’t let them wake me
I’m bent over backwards
Frozen like the statues
An accent on a champagne pain
Make me better, make me feel better
Do I need the zaps again
I’m caught up in traps
Sweet Angel take me
Don’t let them wake me
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I see the manipulator
He’s my favourite player
Withdrawing every layer
Maybe you could stay and…
– To Be Continued
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Sometimes we want it all
Sometimes we seem to fall
And sometimes I hear your call
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Sing so sad, but lingerings bad. I want to hold on, but what I’m hearing may be a dream. Nothing is as it seems, bringing pain with every slander. Leaving a crater in the depths of my heart. Taking me back to the start, where it all began…
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Taken on a long whispering road, winding through the ashes of my past. A trillion reasons to be on my way but I’m here to hear what you have to say. Are you gonna make me pay?
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A child lost inside
Moving with the tide
Waves go up & down
Reminiscing on this town
I don’t think I’ll make you proud
Every word that breaks from your mouth becomes too loud
I’m begging to hear a particular sound to put my mind at ease
A burden I ride on the ocean’s seas
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In the prison of my mind
I sing a song, and try to find
A reason to be kind
Simply gazing through this time
Almost thinking it was a crime
I must admit it was sublime
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The fire that Hellfire brings to attack
Hypnosis may refine my hidden thoughts
But your poison will not grant me no justice
I must not tire, I must burn to the wire.
Don’t call me a liar, when one still must suffer
A brief explanation is all I ask
But it seems to be too big of a task
Unveil your mask, and bask in the truth
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Looking for Inspiration with desperation
Taking time to infect my abrasion
I feel like I’ve been left on this station
To linger lonely in a some what sensation
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Ever waited so long just to discover you don’t belong?
Questions buried in loneliness, but not the type of lonely one would assume. It’s a loneliness because no one understands.
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I don’t know how I live with this regret
Maybe if I wish to forget instead of to reset
I might find peace in the depths of my upset
Always I have struggled dreaming of what I should get
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One of the saddest who has seen the happiest in her life
Propelling to the top of the food chain
And downgraded some time after
Feathers and treasures bend through the light
All the lies that someone sent
Swept under the carpet
But never forgotten
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The weight pressing on my lungs
Expressing the essence that leaves me lush
Waiting, and waiting for a never
Stopping and starting forever
Glance at the light, I’m never in the dark
Was I supposed to share that part
A lot has kept me apart
From the social start
I’m not lonely in the way you think
I’m lonely in the way because not many understand
But do you understand?
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Oceans made from the tears you wept
Cutting edge back through the nights I slept
Am I in your debt or are you in mine?
Maybe if I never knew I’d be fine
But I want to know, I want to know what’s true
Ultimately can I believe in you
Because I’m unsure if your words are true
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I can’t withstand the extent of my long lost thought
Nail it down like a treasure begging to be kept
I’m trending on the sentiment of my mind
Cross roading through the fast thoughts
Blinking, breathing deep
I can’t watch you weep, and I cannot sleep
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I opened my eyes to be greeted with lies
Injected with insincerity, my heart cries
As my brain tries to float away
Emptying into oblivion
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Painstaking undo this tracking
I’m bombarded by avalanches
Thoughts confused with fiction
Or is it words whispered in lies
Have mercy on me
I did not know firstly
And secondly I’m broken
A temper framed like a time bomb
Desperately waiting, dreaming for the shit to hit the fan
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I’m still trying not to be weak
Being the opposite of what they seek
Everlasting breath
moves through the millennium
Broken hearts surround where it starts
But nothing can control those parts -
Your tentacles left me in shambles
Tightening around me
Breaking me apart
I should of known from the start
That you would break my heart
Your voice it rambles inside my head
But Maybe I should break free instead
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I think constantly, going over and over in my head. Pressure building to expand. No one’s giving in, am I believing the truth or is my mind lying to me. Only one can say.
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Bloomed as I became doomed
My minds racing like it’s vroomed
Can I handle what I asked for?
My heads about to explode
Dressed and begging to implode
Let honesty breathe, and decency leave
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Doomsday gloom on a dusty figurine
Record runs wild looping uncontrolled
Singing aimlessly into the air
Making my skin ride bare
Favouring the instant heartache
Dreaming of a lasting blood bank
The devil plays a horrid prank
Dividing me into an alluring pain
Nothing seems seamless
Nothing feels needless
But something craves loveless
Schizoreflective 