Tag: schizoreflective
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You canāt pin me and try to preserve me like those butterflies locked in a frame
– Butterfly
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And Iām like I give up, a glimpse, a fool. Iām lost within, I have no control over myself. My tears roll, my voice yells. A prank forgotten about. No desire left in my doubt.
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And I’m ashamed of running away
From nothing real
I just can’t deal with this
I’m still afraid to be thereAmong the hounds of love
And feel your arms surround me
I’ve always been a coward
And never know what’s good for me
Oh, here I go, don’t let me go -
My mood changes every few days, today itās glowing like the sunny day it is. I didnāt feel sad yesterday and today like I did the days before. I was motivated to exercise, I get these bouts of motivation, Then I have a week where I canāt do anything. Itās like Iām trapped in a never ending tunnel of depression, thereās no light, but then all of a sudden I feel ecstatic, excited, but the cycle repeats and Iām sad again.
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Watch her become undone
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Future self I see, and I donāt like her. She speaks and then she shocks with her words. sheās clever, uneasy, and super breezy. Sheās quiet in company, sometimes her mind yells voices too loud and too soon. I ask How far ahead are you? Sheās older, and bolder but sheās not me, just some random lady I happened to pass by.
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Wake up in the morning to a dramatic exit. Systematic stand still rock n rolling control stares slip through. Iād like to hear about your day, I kinda freaked out, I find your intensity overwhelming. I feel confused, reality is blurred with fantasy. I had to get away because I fear Iām unwell.Ā
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Itās The moment she realised she had no space. Her words were hopeless, been watching. They ravish on the bones of the skeletons, theyāre watching. She has no space. She wants to be free, she doesnāt want to think about it. She wants to be free from your sight not to see.
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The visuals of the eyes, they look straight through my mind into my soul and then escape in laser beams through my heart. Crying tears of cotton candy and activated charcoal.
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I tried to say but I think the message came through the wrong way. I tried to scream, but it was only in my mind. I hope you donāt mind me asking why?
Today my brain is talking, itās not me, he just talks every once in a while.
Iām needing the connection that you can give me, the connect of a time lost in a basket of damaged trust.
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Always scared Iām getting lost in my own mucked up mind. If you lie itās supposed to become my truth, because your well mind is more reliable than my sick mind. Iām done with the ect, I donāt want to go back to hospital, I donāt want to be around you any longer.
But I canāt let go.
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Not into dating the kinda guy who becomes a vegetarian just because their girlfriend is a vegetarian.
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– āProvidenceā Jack Frost
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I wish I knew why I canāt get into bed, Iād sleep on the lounge for days on end. Usually awake, sometimes all night. I start to hallucinate, probably from sleep deprivation, or maybe just psychotic. I guess Itās chaotic.
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All the People caught in your web, they lie for your lies, and you cry for your broken heart but donāt bat an eye to rip out another. You say that you love me like Iām some tourist attraction, when you never even bothered to get to know me. Infatuated with a ghost as you sleep by another. You messed with my perception of reality, if you were like me you would know to never do that. I donāt think I can forgiveā¦I donāt think I want to forgive.
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It would be lonely for me because you donāt understand me
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I want to argue, but you do not. Youāve got no fight, maybe I have too much. I feel sad that maybe its done, I havenāt spoke to you in what seems long, but it hasnāt. I said goodbye in the thought youād run after me, but you didnāt and you wonāt.Ā
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Speak in tongues so I donāt understand. I donāt have my glasses so you disappear, I can no longer see you. Iāll runaway, within myself. Stay away, I wonāt listen anymore. Together we can be unforgiving, but apart we can just stay at the start. Nothing can make me budge my upset, stay increased on the round. I donāt love.Ā
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Plot twist, itās a legend ā the story. It starts, and ends. It twists her brain into oblivion. Sheās confused, but she feels that way often. She thinks sheās better off safe than in the arms of another. But she didnāt know before that it would last her lifetime, but now she does. It feels like Whispering in her ear. Fever in the brain, stitched in her ears after what she hears. Not obvious, a bit foggy, somewhat clear to her sickness. But she must not give in.Ā
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I say Iāll stand and fight, but I always flight when things get hard. I runaway and hide, from the hospital, and from the people who care. They take me to that room, where they lock the door, and donāt let you leave. Someone wrote 666 on the wall, but the doctor thought I was crazy when I told him. They make you wait it that room for hours, if youāve been there, youād know. The place before the Psych ward. The worst place to be. Then mental health act, youāre now an involuntary patient.
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Stated simply to gain a positive impact on a fallout that is bound to occur. Iām steadily gaining traction as I peddle down this fracture. A taser to my brain, you left it all messed up. Iām confused, not knowing whatās real from whatās not.
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The vines reach up to strangle the curtains
Leaving them gasping for air
Standing in all my despair
They curl around me, And suffocate me
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Can you send your feelings through the mic, so I can analyse the lyrics till I confuse them. De ClĆ©rambault’s syndrome sync to my beat. I think Iām finally tempted to run to my defeat.
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Stitched my lips so you wonāt hear it from me. But when the scissors break them free, everyone will see that everything is not the way they are supposed to be. Figured I would have figured this out by now, donāt know maybe Iām not meant to know, and the snow was always gonna fall over my gutted head.
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You seem so bitter
When really youāre just busy
Watching the stars
Gazing in bars
Tasting the cars
To treasure the litter
Yeah Iām just litter
Treasuring the fitter
You can never save me
From the setting sun
Setting sunā¦
Severe my staging state
Never meant to take
Forever boundā¦
Forever boundā¦
I say so long to the state I am bound. Goodbyeā¦
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I hope you can find the peace in your heart, the depth in the depart, something that brings us back to the start, and the empty crevasses that keep us apart.Ā
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Everything drifts into silence, I speak but there are no words.
I search for the light. They say that itās there. So I know that itās there. But my eyes donāt wanna see.
The need for belonging continues to drift with the feeling of empty, meaning I donāt have the need to belong.
Thereās the numb divide between me and you. You deafen whatās truth, and whatās lie. The medication, or Even the zaps couldnāt clear you from my mind.
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There will never be time in this life to bring back the sight that unknowingly blinds the windows of this house. Perpetuated, sometimes insinuated, blacken the depth beneath your gaze. For your gaze crucifies me in an attempt at being heard. Nothing can beckon the strength to pull through. Iāll lie here damaged, ditched, and dead on the floor.
Schizoreflective 