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Droplets seep into the skin below your eyes, sorrow awakens and begs us to surrender. Solemnly swear to my broken back and shoulders left bare, that I will try to move today.
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Sunshine gloom. Tears in fearsome eyes. Colours of all shades, glowing in this game charade. Sometimes I can see more than whatās beyond me.
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A fairytale ending is no ending at all, maybe if we stall. Weāll make it to the ball before we fall, deeper and deeper. But no, iām just a creeper. Getting steeper, and steeper. Getting deeper, and deeper.
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Yeah, Iāll be up all night, but that doesnāt bother me. I talk to the birds, say hello, say goodbye. Never thought Iād be a fool, but maybe Iām a fool for you, Just for today. Tell me a story, Iāll listen I promise.We drive by, I always look because sometimes your name is there.Ā
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ā The Cure āPictures of Youā
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I never changed my mind, circles, go round and round. Too stubborn to influence, intuition is often confused. Why live your life wondering if you donāt have to. I donāt understand why I have to live my life wondering. Acting natural in front of you, something a rather. Maybe something lucky will happen. Itās amazing how many stories go round and round my head.
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Trusted in the fate of the fear. Gutted, inspired by the interference. Fragrance stepped out through the smell of my nose, stolen senses break on the freaking of my mind. My mind doesnāt care for insight.Ā
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Staring blankly at a fragmented ceiling, my heart screams from within me, nothing can console my rotten bones. So I lie here and stare at the fragments above me, and dream.
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Iām resistant, consistent, relinquishing my thought. Not stable, the table collapses. Pointedā¦sharpā¦edgedā¦soul crushingā¦death defyingā¦
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Sweet how your words sink
Down the drain Into my heart
Should of known from the start
That when it comes to a depart
Ā You will not be my missing linkĀ
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When I find out I wasted all this time planning the perfect crime, itās fine, everything can roll over me like the car tires that scatter the gravel on the road. Should we believe everything weāre told, not sure, probably not. It seems to smother me, but at the same time, I love it.
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Iām too tired to keep up with my hope, itās exhausting. Iāve been waiting for you to show me whatās been taking so long to complete.
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Iāll pretend Iām not one of habit when my habits are causing me detriment. Iāll stay awake and crash the next night, and sleep enough for two days. Itās not that Iām bad, well not too bad anyways, I just get lost sometimes.
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I bet you feel the cold oh so easily. Can you focus, or do you lose attention oh so easily. Does it feel the same, or can you forget oh so easily. I donāt know if to hold you dearly, or to let you go oh so easily. I keep searching but the answers donāt come so easily.Ā
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Sometimes I stare at the sky to find a cloud that speaks to me loud. Wondering through the faces, leaving steep traces. People are watching, people are reading the thoughts that read through the spaces of my mind. I donāt want to do normal people things, they say I have no motivation, yeah I guess thatās true. I wish I could just be left to simmer and wait till this life is done.
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Itās better to be gutless, guts get you hurt.
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I sometimes google what you mean. The results of my analysis of the words prove to send me more confused. I over think things, and people may not read this but I donāt want things to be unpleasant between me and you. Iām confused, Iām always looking for answers, but Iām worried Iām looking where there isnātĀ any, but maybe no message is a message.Ā
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I feel butterflies in my stomach sink, I see butterflies in hot pink.
Itās just a cheap trick, fluttering till Iām sick.
How am I surviving on such bad instinct ?
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Forever is a really long time, to feel as though youāve committed a crime.
I never think before I relinquish my pain. It always leaves a stain on you.
I keep reminding myself itās all in my head, because itās just easier that way.
Like how I hear people chatting in my ears, or how I see images on the walls.
Itās not real.
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I worry Iāll see someoneās reflection behind me in the window. I made a wish as I blew out the candles, I have a feeling my wish came true.
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Different is good
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Remembering you, fallen into my armsĀ
Crying for the death of your heartĀ
You were stone white, so delicateĀ
Lost in the coldĀ
You were always so lost in the dark
Remembering you, how you used to be -
Youāre just trying to rekindle the looks of your youth. I donāt want to obsess over things I donāt have time for. Watching the sea crush the sand, we need another plan.Ā
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All my visions, they just appear. Dripping along the typed paragraph, all my expectations disappear. Seeping through the skin, the scars reappear. Making it so damningly clear, that thereās so obviously still fear.
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Itād be nice if you could just have a little bit of mania, but it doesnāt work that way, it always escalates. Stay on your mood stabilisers!!
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Wish I could ditch the mood stabilisers, but keep the antidepressantsā¦just for a little bit till my mood lifts.Ā
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You runaway. Itās never gonna matter, because youāre never gonna forget her. They say everything happens different through the seasons. All your dreams revolve around, all your fears crash around. So slow, I look for silver rings, hoping I donāt find any. But one day I will.
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You canāt pin me and try to preserve me like those butterflies locked in a frame
– Butterfly
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And Iām like I give up, a glimpse, a fool. Iām lost within, I have no control over myself. My tears roll, my voice yells. A prank forgotten about. No desire left in my doubt.
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And I’m ashamed of running away
From nothing real
I just can’t deal with this
I’m still afraid to be thereAmong the hounds of love
And feel your arms surround me
I’ve always been a coward
And never know what’s good for me
Oh, here I go, don’t let me go -
My mood changes every few days, today itās glowing like the sunny day it is. I didnāt feel sad yesterday and today like I did the days before. I was motivated to exercise, I get these bouts of motivation, Then I have a week where I canāt do anything. Itās like Iām trapped in a never ending tunnel of depression, thereās no light, but then all of a sudden I feel ecstatic, excited, but the cycle repeats and Iām sad again.
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Watch her become undone
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All my life I have waited
For you to come to me
And now, that you’re here with me
I wanna, I wanna leave- Jack Ladder ‘Cold Feet’
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Future self I see, and I donāt like her. She speaks and then she shocks with her words. sheās clever, uneasy, and super breezy. Sheās quiet in company, sometimes her mind yells voices too loud and too soon. I ask How far ahead are you? Sheās older, and bolder but sheās not me, just some random lady I happened to pass by.
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Wake up in the morning to a dramatic exit. Systematic stand still rock n rolling control stares slip through. Iād like to hear about your day, I kinda freaked out, I find your intensity overwhelming. I feel confused, reality is blurred with fantasy. I had to get away because I fear Iām unwell.Ā
Schizoreflective 