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I sometimes google what you mean. The results of my analysis of the words prove to send me more confused. I over think things, and people may not read this but I don’t want things to be unpleasant between me and you. I’m confused, I’m always looking for answers, but I’m worried I’m looking where there isn’t any, but maybe no message is a message.
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I feel butterflies in my stomach sink, I see butterflies in hot pink.
It’s just a cheap trick, fluttering till I’m sick.
How am I surviving on such bad instinct ?
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Forever is a really long time, to feel as though you’ve committed a crime.
I never think before I relinquish my pain. It always leaves a stain on you.
I keep reminding myself it’s all in my head, because it’s just easier that way.
Like how I hear people chatting in my ears, or how I see images on the walls.
It’s not real.
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I worry I’ll see someone’s reflection behind me in the window. I made a wish as I blew out the candles, I have a feeling my wish came true.
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Different is good
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Remembering you, fallen into my arms
Crying for the death of your heart
You were stone white, so delicate
Lost in the cold
You were always so lost in the dark
Remembering you, how you used to be -
You’re just trying to rekindle the looks of your youth. I don’t want to obsess over things I don’t have time for. Watching the sea crush the sand, we need another plan.
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All my visions, they just appear. Dripping along the typed paragraph, all my expectations disappear. Seeping through the skin, the scars reappear. Making it so damningly clear, that there’s so obviously still fear.
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It’d be nice if you could just have a little bit of mania, but it doesn’t work that way, it always escalates. Stay on your mood stabilisers!!
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Wish I could ditch the mood stabilisers, but keep the antidepressants…just for a little bit till my mood lifts.
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You runaway. It’s never gonna matter, because you’re never gonna forget her. They say everything happens different through the seasons. All your dreams revolve around, all your fears crash around. So slow, I look for silver rings, hoping I don’t find any. But one day I will.
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You can’t pin me and try to preserve me like those butterflies locked in a frame
– Butterfly
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And I’m like I give up, a glimpse, a fool. I’m lost within, I have no control over myself. My tears roll, my voice yells. A prank forgotten about. No desire left in my doubt.
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And I’m ashamed of running away
From nothing real
I just can’t deal with this
I’m still afraid to be thereAmong the hounds of love
And feel your arms surround me
I’ve always been a coward
And never know what’s good for me
Oh, here I go, don’t let me go -
My mood changes every few days, today it’s glowing like the sunny day it is. I didn’t feel sad yesterday and today like I did the days before. I was motivated to exercise, I get these bouts of motivation, Then I have a week where I can’t do anything. It’s like I’m trapped in a never ending tunnel of depression, there’s no light, but then all of a sudden I feel ecstatic, excited, but the cycle repeats and I’m sad again.
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Watch her become undone
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All my life I have waited
For you to come to me
And now, that you’re here with me
I wanna, I wanna leave- Jack Ladder ‘Cold Feet’
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Future self I see, and I don’t like her. She speaks and then she shocks with her words. she’s clever, uneasy, and super breezy. She’s quiet in company, sometimes her mind yells voices too loud and too soon. I ask How far ahead are you? She’s older, and bolder but she’s not me, just some random lady I happened to pass by.
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Wake up in the morning to a dramatic exit. Systematic stand still rock n rolling control stares slip through. I’d like to hear about your day, I kinda freaked out, I find your intensity overwhelming. I feel confused, reality is blurred with fantasy. I had to get away because I fear I’m unwell.
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It’s The moment she realised she had no space. Her words were hopeless, been watching. They ravish on the bones of the skeletons, they’re watching. She has no space. She wants to be free, she doesn’t want to think about it. She wants to be free from your sight not to see.
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The visuals of the eyes, they look straight through my mind into my soul and then escape in laser beams through my heart. Crying tears of cotton candy and activated charcoal.
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I tried to say but I think the message came through the wrong way. I tried to scream, but it was only in my mind. I hope you don’t mind me asking why?
Today my brain is talking, it’s not me, he just talks every once in a while.
I’m needing the connection that you can give me, the connect of a time lost in a basket of damaged trust.
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Always scared I’m getting lost in my own mucked up mind. If you lie it’s supposed to become my truth, because your well mind is more reliable than my sick mind. I’m done with the ect, I don’t want to go back to hospital, I don’t want to be around you any longer.
But I can’t let go.
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Not into dating the kinda guy who becomes a vegetarian just because their girlfriend is a vegetarian.
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– ‘Providence’ Jack Frost
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I wish I knew why I can’t get into bed, I’d sleep on the lounge for days on end. Usually awake, sometimes all night. I start to hallucinate, probably from sleep deprivation, or maybe just psychotic. I guess It’s chaotic.
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All the People caught in your web, they lie for your lies, and you cry for your broken heart but don’t bat an eye to rip out another. You say that you love me like I’m some tourist attraction, when you never even bothered to get to know me. Infatuated with a ghost as you sleep by another. You messed with my perception of reality, if you were like me you would know to never do that. I don’t think I can forgive…I don’t think I want to forgive.
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It would be lonely for me because you don’t understand me
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I want to argue, but you do not. You’ve got no fight, maybe I have too much. I feel sad that maybe its done, I haven’t spoke to you in what seems long, but it hasn’t. I said goodbye in the thought you’d run after me, but you didn’t and you won’t.
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Speak in tongues so I don’t understand. I don’t have my glasses so you disappear, I can no longer see you. I’ll runaway, within myself. Stay away, I won’t listen anymore. Together we can be unforgiving, but apart we can just stay at the start. Nothing can make me budge my upset, stay increased on the round. I don’t love.
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Plot twist, it’s a legend – the story. It starts, and ends. It twists her brain into oblivion. She’s confused, but she feels that way often. She thinks she’s better off safe than in the arms of another. But she didn’t know before that it would last her lifetime, but now she does. It feels like Whispering in her ear. Fever in the brain, stitched in her ears after what she hears. Not obvious, a bit foggy, somewhat clear to her sickness. But she must not give in.
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I say I’ll stand and fight, but I always flight when things get hard. I runaway and hide, from the hospital, and from the people who care. They take me to that room, where they lock the door, and don’t let you leave. Someone wrote 666 on the wall, but the doctor thought I was crazy when I told him. They make you wait it that room for hours, if you’ve been there, you’d know. The place before the Psych ward. The worst place to be. Then mental health act, you’re now an involuntary patient.
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Stated simply to gain a positive impact on a fallout that is bound to occur. I’m steadily gaining traction as I peddle down this fracture. A taser to my brain, you left it all messed up. I’m confused, not knowing what’s real from what’s not.
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The vines reach up to strangle the curtains
Leaving them gasping for air
Standing in all my despair
They curl around me, And suffocate me
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Can you send your feelings through the mic, so I can analyse the lyrics till I confuse them. De Clérambault’s syndrome sync to my beat. I think I’m finally tempted to run to my defeat.
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Stitched my lips so you won’t hear it from me. But when the scissors break them free, everyone will see that everything is not the way they are supposed to be. Figured I would have figured this out by now, don’t know maybe I’m not meant to know, and the snow was always gonna fall over my gutted head.
Schizoreflective 