Tag: blog
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It would be lonely for me because you don’t understand me
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I want to argue, but you do not. You’ve got no fight, maybe I have too much. I feel sad that maybe its done, I haven’t spoke to you in what seems long, but it hasn’t. I said goodbye in the thought you’d run after me, but you didn’t and you won’t.
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It’s just You don’t have time for me anymore because you’re always sleeping, and I hardly sleep.
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Destroy, take a breath, and re-stack the shelves. My wrath won’t plague the breath of despair. I’m frozen since the day the confusion started.
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You’re hopeless, indirect, unsuspecting, predictably stationed. Your words won’t get through, because they’re dripping in lies. So stipulated, is it understated, or just created to be fated. The End…
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Speak in tongues so I don’t understand. I don’t have my glasses so you disappear, I can no longer see you. I’ll runaway, within myself. Stay away, I won’t listen anymore. Together we can be unforgiving, but apart we can just stay at the start. Nothing can make me budge my upset, stay increased on the round. I don’t love.
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Plot twist, it’s a legend – the story. It starts, and ends. It twists her brain into oblivion. She’s confused, but she feels that way often. She thinks she’s better off safe than in the arms of another. But she didn’t know before that it would last her lifetime, but now she does. It feels like Whispering in her ear. Fever in the brain, stitched in her ears after what she hears. Not obvious, a bit foggy, somewhat clear to her sickness. But she must not give in.
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I say I’ll stand and fight, but I always flight when things get hard. I runaway and hide, from the hospital, and from the people who care. They take me to that room, where they lock the door, and don’t let you leave. Someone wrote 666 on the wall, but the doctor thought I was crazy when I told him. They make you wait it that room for hours, if you’ve been there, you’d know. The place before the Psych ward. The worst place to be. Then mental health act, you’re now an involuntary patient.
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Stated simply to gain a positive impact on a fallout that is bound to occur. I’m steadily gaining traction as I peddle down this fracture. A taser to my brain, you left it all messed up. I’m confused, not knowing what’s real from what’s not.
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The vines reach up to strangle the curtains
Leaving them gasping for air
Standing in all my despair
They curl around me, And suffocate me
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And when you felt the cold radiate from under my skin. Everything reacts at once, an explosion of indecisiveness. Changing disposition to reflect me staring back at you. And Some things mean nothing to me.
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Can you send your feelings through the mic, so I can analyse the lyrics till I confuse them. De Clérambault’s syndrome sync to my beat. I think I’m finally tempted to run to my defeat.
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Stitched my lips so you won’t hear it from me. But when the scissors break them free, everyone will see that everything is not the way they are supposed to be. Figured I would have figured this out by now, don’t know maybe I’m not meant to know, and the snow was always gonna fall over my gutted head.
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You seem so bitter
When really you’re just busy
Watching the stars
Gazing in bars
Tasting the cars
To treasure the litter
Yeah I’m just litter
Treasuring the fitter
You can never save me
From the setting sun
Setting sun…
Severe my staging state
Never meant to take
Forever bound…
Forever bound…
I say so long to the state I am bound. Goodbye…
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I hope you can find the peace in your heart, the depth in the depart, something that brings us back to the start, and the empty crevasses that keep us apart.
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Maybe it wasn’t meant to hurt me, but I can’t stop thinking, what if it was.
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My temper falls to a cry
Maybe it’s difficult to try
When the standards are so high
You left my brain to fry
Keeping up with your lie
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Tomorrow I’ll run against the smallest odds
I’ll frown upon the lonely thoughts
That trim a breathless pain too close to remain
In my destiny
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‘Wake up’ my mind calls to itself ‘wake up’ don’t dream too small. Burry your heart in something tall, trigger warnings swallow me until I fall.
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Everything drifts into silence, I speak but there are no words.
I search for the light. They say that it’s there. So I know that it’s there. But my eyes don’t wanna see.
The need for belonging continues to drift with the feeling of empty, meaning I don’t have the need to belong.
There’s the numb divide between me and you. You deafen what’s truth, and what’s lie. The medication, or Even the zaps couldn’t clear you from my mind.
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So is that what it is, a heart for a heart sorta thing. I break yours, you break mine
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Looking at the pictures of us…
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There will never be time in this life to bring back the sight that unknowingly blinds the windows of this house. Perpetuated, sometimes insinuated, blacken the depth beneath your gaze. For your gaze crucifies me in an attempt at being heard. Nothing can beckon the strength to pull through. I’ll lie here damaged, ditched, and dead on the floor.
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Celebrating a bad situation, throwing my forgiveness at it. Almost like it’s meant to belong here.
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Why? Why must things be this way? We must suffer to know pleasure. Freedom comes when we are one with ourselves. But I’m shattered in little pieces.
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I’m traveling and I don’t know where I’m going. Strangled by knowing. I’m becoming by drowning. How I’m always drowning. Pounding my drum through.
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I’m terrible, totally trashable. Dancing on ice, I fall more than twice. Slow cooked crooked damned man, never knowing what comes next. Frozen in an everlasting space. Begging just to escape. Sinister solemn souls bare bold on my back bone, nothing can touch me, and I mean not even you.
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Nobody ever would dare to spare the salty tears that dance down your face. your hands kiss your cheeks as they wipe the tears away. The words leave your lips, and I’m crucified by your gaze. Lazy days and long lost words play on my mind. Hoping that it’s not all in my mind.
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So deductive, mind blown
Wish I could of seen
That I was not unseen
Frozen shivers run down
My spine
Sorry I missed that line
Can you say it clearer
Because it haunts me
Not knowing
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Crowded, haunted, surrounded. it sounds like the voices in my head, I got to get away – before the violins play. They play for each tear that drops, they play for the sadness within my heart, and they play for the long lost dreams that never quite made it.
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A million words could surpass me, but the ones that stick are those that come with a thorn.
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The lightning sustains me
The thunder bereaves me
And the Rain always misbehaves
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I heard there was something to say when someone had hurt you so.
I don’t know these words, but I don’t know, maybe you do.
I wonder if you’ve shared such words with me before
But I was too naive to know
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I’m just trying to love you, any way that I can
But you’re already somebody’s baby
I’ve been so sad lately
And I don’t want to disappoint you
But I’m not the person you’re looking for, you know you’ll always want more
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Everybody knows, Everybody but me
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Name your top three pet peeves.
My first pet peeve would have to be people who are dishonest about important things. I know that sometimes lying is needed in certain situations, and that’s okay. But because I suffer from a mental illness with psychotic symptoms, it can be hard to tell what’s real from what’s not, so it means a lot to me when people tell me the truth.
My next pet peeve is sometimes I am treated differently because I suffer from a mental illness. Almost like I’m much more fragile than a normal person.
My last pet peeve is a serious one, I hate it when people make a scrape noise on carpet. To me it’s the most awful sound I’ve ever heard, also I don’t use the word hate lightly.
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Strapped back, stuck in the back
Fronting the elements in the great contusion constructing my body
Nothing enters without leaving, nothing stays without going. They all move forward, while I move backward.
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Sunshine aches on the back of my bones
Broken by the backbone of the stones
Stolen by a form of broken place
Rubbing the last existence of my face
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There was never anything
That could explain everything
I feel the jealousy sting
Hope there won’t be any bling
It’s nice to hear the birds sing
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It still stings under the water, why does this always happen to me? the self loathing
I’m always desperately trying to make it to the surface to grasp for air
But you’re holding my leg pulling me down back into the depths of despair where my tears created this ocean.
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You have forsaken me, left me in the ditches to rot and burn with the fire you left behind. Crying to be rescued, I pull myself up from the dirt but not without the 3rd degree burns.
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Feel the freshness of the breath blowing on your face, the breath of this spring day, dancing around your fears. You’re finding things troubling, she wonders if fact is fiction, is it all in her head.
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Late night, cannot sleep
Thinking about something deep
Letting it go round and round my head
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The Memory of you, so sweetly gazing through the window. Day dreaming, I always wondered what you were thinking. The memory of you, watching the clock everything done on the dot. The memory of your chocolate stash, the one I would have loved to snatch. The memory of you becoming so fragile and weak. I must admit it was hard to say goodbye, but I will always have my memory of you.
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The light was out of sight
The darkness was the opposite from bright
The walls caving in so tight
I keep thinking nothing feels right
I might begin my flight
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Swiftly but surely I’ll stroll by the hole in my heart
I’ll staple it back to the start
Oh, how love plays such a part
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Schizoreflective 